Storybooks!

SALLY: Well it’s a showstopper of an idea, Julie, I’ll give you that. But I just don’t believe it’s possible!

JULIE: No, it’s true! I swear, I swear!

FRANK: Ohhh, what is it that you two are making a ruckus over this time…?

JULIE: Oh, hi, Frank! I thought you said you were going to spend a quiet morning organizing your bowties!

FRANK:(Dryly.) How could anyone effectively organize anything with you two talking so loudly at one another?

SALLY: Our most monstrously marvelous Juliet here insists that the local mailman is enough of a powerhouse to lift every! Single! Neighbor! In the neighborhood!

FRANK:(With the tone of someone who’s heard this before.) Oh, Julie, not this again.

JULIE: It’s true, it’s true! Fraaaank, you’ve seen it too!

FRANK: Now, Eddie is… Fairly capable what with carrying all his packages and such around, but--

JULIE:(Loudly interrupting.) So you agree!!

FRANK: I did not say-- Julie, our neighborhood includes the likes of Barnaby and Home, no one could--

JULIE:(Triumphantly shouting.) EDDIE! CAN! LIFT! A! HOOOUUUSSSEEE!!

FRANK: I give up.

SALLY: Well, I simply can’t accept such a boast without proof.

JULIE: Oh, I can prove it! Look, here comes Eddie now! Watch this!

FRANK: What do you mean you can prove--

EDDIE: Mail call! I’ve got mail here fo-- oh no—

JULIE:(Overlapping.) EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, CATCH ME! QUICK! CATCH ME!

(Sound of packages hitting the ground and Eddie going “oof!” as he catches Julie.)

JULIE: TA-DAA!! See? See??

SALLY:(Dismissively.) That’s hardly convincing.

FRANK: Yes, I could probably lift you if sufficiently motivated, Julie.

JULIE:(Scorned.) And yet you never play “throw-Julie-up-in-the-air-as-hard-as-you-can-and-see-where-she-lands” with me.

FRANK:(Deadpan.) We’ve talked about this!

SALLY: Well, I’m not convinced. (Commanding.) Mail-maaan! Mailman! Center stage, man!

EDDIE: Uh, yes, ma’am--

SALLY:(Snapping her fingers.) Up, man! Up! Lift! Higher now-- with your knees-- all the way up-- there!!

EDDIE:(Overlapping.) What, oh, uh-- yes ma’am!-- (Strained, lifting.) oof-- here we go-- uhf-- alrighty-- hup!

(A little “ta-da!!” jingle plays to signify Sally being fully lifted.)

SALLY: Hm. Passable, I suppose. But I’m still not convinced.

JULIE: FRANK NEXT! FRANK NEXT!!

EDDIE:(Chipper.) All right, then!

FRANK: Don’t you dare.

EDDIE:(Tone exactly the same.) Wouldn’t dream of it!

FRANK: Oh, look! Wally and Barnaby! Let’s pay attention to them instead and leave me well alone!

BARNABY: What’s all the commotion, fellas and fell-ettes?

WALLY: Hi, Julie. Hi, Sally. Hi, Frank. Hi, Eddie. What are you--

JULIE:(Overlapping.) EDDIE! LIFT WALLY INSTEAD!

EDDIE: Oh, okay! Up we go, little buddy- hup!

WALLY: Oh, I’m up here now.

SALLY:(Scoffs.) That’s nothing! Wally weighs three apples soaking wet. Here, watch-- mailman, put him down.

EDDIE: Alrighty?

WALLY: I’m on the ground again.

SALLY: And hup!!

(Another “ta-da!!” to signify her lifting Wally.)

WALLY: Oh, and now I’m up again.

BARNABY: Life’s sure got its ups and downs, eh, pal? (More casual inflection.) Uhh, but seriously, Jules, what’s this new game of yours?

JULIE: It’s not a game! I’m proving to Sally that Eddie can lift everyone in the neighborhood!

BARNABY: Ohhh, why didn’t you say so? Eddie, ya shoulda started with me. Seein’ as I’m such a tiny li’l pooch and all.

EDDIE:(Voice wavering.) Uhh.

BARNABY: I mean, it wouldn’t be much harder than liftin’ a couple envelopes, huh? Pickin’ up a li’l guy like me. It’s hardly even worth showin’ off at this point, when you’ve already managed guys so much bigger! But might as well just so you can say honestly you’ve managed the full collection, right?

EDDIE:(Resigned.) Okay. I figure I can... Yeah, yup, here we-- (Grunt of effort.) Hup-- all right-- little more--shoo--

(Big, forceful, weightlifter-style exhale from Eddie, and a little “woah!” from Barnaby.)

JULIE:(Overlapping others.) YES!!

SALLY:(Overlapping others, little applause.) Oh!

FRANK:(Overlapping others, accidentally genuinely impressed.) Oh my.

WALLY:(Overlapping others.) Oh, now Barnaby’s up there.

(Sound of Eddie collapsing and taking Barnaby down with him, with a loud “OOF!” from both of them.)

BARNABY: Wow, uh-- I don’t even got a joke for this one. That was impressive, Ed. You all right?

EDDIE:(Out of breath.) Oh, yep, j-just peachy, Barnaby. Thanks for askin’.

SALLY: Well I still say it’s only just passable. I’ll bet I can do better. (Theatrically.) Barnaby! Get over here! I’ll bet you I can lift you over my head!!

BARNABY: Yeah, all right.

FRANK:(Sternly.) NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I’m ending this right now!

JULIE: Oooh, let’s go see if Eddie can lift Poppy and Howdy next! We can save Home for the big finish!!

SALLY: Not if I can lift them first!!

BARNABY: Well, I know what I’m doin’ with the rest of my day. C’mon, li’l buddy, let’s catch this show!

WALLY: Eddie’s going to lift up Home? That’s the most. We can go to Howdy’s together and Home can pick out his own hot dog.

EDDIE:(Still out of breath and flat on the ground.) Y-y’all go on ahead! I’ll catch up!!

(PAUSE.)

FRANK: You always did work too hard.

EDDIE: Wha? Huh?

FRANK: I’m going inside. Enjoy the ground, Mr. Dear.

EDDIE: Alrighty! S-say, uh, before you go, any chance I could get a hand gettin’ up-- [door closing sound] oh, you’re gone. That’s fine! I’ll, uh, get to pickin’ myself up… before the cows come home, heh-heh.

NOTE: Everything is written to the best of our ability.

NARRATOR: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. But something about today is a little different. Our Sally Starlet might describe it as a spine tingling, bone chilling, and hair-raising sort of day! The sort of day her dear friend Poppy Partridge always dreaded, even as she helped prepare for the celebration.

Yes, that’s right! It was Sally’s favorite holiday- The Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making! A monumental mouthful, if you ask me. But we’ve had our time talking, let’s peer into Poppy’s window to hear about it for ourselves.

SALLY: …Darling, you’ve produced such a dazzling and decadent display— Thank you again for letting me use your not-so-humble abode for my Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making festivities.

NARRATOR: Sally carefully placed down the assorted treats on the table- Some even looked like our neighbors! They ought to make one for the Narrator, though...

POPPY: Why of course, dear! It’s so lovely to help you with your erm, well— Macabre— er, oh my—

SALLY: My Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making, Poppy!

POPPY: …R-Right. (Said very quietly, mostly to herself.) …Does it have to be monstrous…?

SALLY:(Insistently.) Poppy! Horror is the backbone of the Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making! It is integral to what makes thespians, such as myself, able to convey true terror on stage! Everyone in Home simply must experience such a sensation for themselves! So today, everyone will be adorning elaborate ensembles outside of their repetitious apparel and become symbols of pure horror!- (Sally stops her theatrical presentation to return to her less passionate speech.) This will surely help them move into stardom as quickly as yours truly!

POPPY: Oh… But you’re dressed as a clown-

NARRATOR: Sally was dressed like a clown.

SALLY: If everyone is going as something they are not, then I must do so in turn! A director does not leave her actors to fend for themselves! So I arrived… As Pedrolino-

NARRATOR: Pedrolino, for those of you who don’t know, is from the commedia dell'arte-

SALLY:(Scoffing.) Oh please, dear narrator! Of course they have!

NARRATOR: Of course. Poppy bristled her feather and sighed gently.

POPPY:(She sighs gently.) …I-I’m not quite sure I see the appeal, but… I suppose—

SALLY: Then look with your fantastic feathered soul, Poppy! There is more to understanding horror than sight alone!

POPPY:(She takes a pause. There’s an air of worried skepticism in her tone.) …More than sight alone?

SALLY:(As Sally rambles off the list, Poppy begins making fretful sounds.) Why of course! A foul stench… A chill down your spine… A sour taste in your mouth… An unexpected knock at your door—

(A knocking at the door can be heard, followed by a worried squawk from POPPY.)

NARRATOR: Oh- That scared me too!

SALLY: Oh— That must be our esteemed guests! I’ll get it!

NARRATOR: As Poppy returned to fretting and fawning, Sally walked over to the front door to let in the guests. When she opened the door it revealed… Why, none other than our good friends Wally Darling and Barnaby B. Beagle! Wally was dressed in a devilish outfit, while Barnaby was dressed as… As a werewolf!

BARNABY: That’s were-beagle to you, pal!

SALLY:(She opens the door, an extra dramatic flair to her voice.) Welcome one and all! (She notices who is at the door.) Speak of the devil…

WALLY: Hi Sally. I’m a little devil. We’re here for the.. The… Um.

BARNABY: We’re here for terror n’ treats! Now where’s the punchline start?

SALLY: Terror n’ treats?! What is that?! That’s not what my extravaganza is called!

BARNABY: Oh yeah, the invitation said it was a Macaroni Macramé Marmalade Moose? I ain’t sayin’ all’a that, I think Terror n’ Treats is better. It’s got a little genie-say-quoff to it!

SALLY: Wha— t-that’s je ne sais quoi you— You beast!!

BARNABY: That’s Mr. Were-Beagle to you too! Now if you’ll excuse me, I beast be gettin’ a glass of punch! C’mon, little devil.

WALLY: Okay. I like punch.

NARRATOR: Wally and Barnaby made their way around Sally, who scoffed angrily at Barnaby’s joke. It wasn’t long before another knock was heard at the door. When Sally opened it this time, she revealed Julie Joyful and Frank Frankly! Julie was dressed as a witch and Frank was dressed as a vampire. But they also brought a third guest! A tomato encased in a red gelatin! …Ew.

SALLY: Franklin! Juliet! What a dashing couple you two make! Wonderfully witchy and vivaciously vampirific!

FRANK:(Underneath Sally’s greeting, quietly.) That’s not my name—

FRANK & JULIE:(Said in unison.) Ghoulish greetings, Sally!

JULIE:(She does a witchy cackle and wiggles her fingers at Sally.) We’re SO excited to be at your Magnificently Marvelous, Majestically, Mystifying Macabre Menagerie of Momentously Monstrous Mischief-Making Celebration!

FRANK: Yes– and I’ve brought tomato gelatin! See– There’s a whole one inside!

SALLY:(Her tone is stale.) …So you have. How terribly frightful.

FRANK:(Proudly said as he walks inside.) Thank you.

JULIE: I like your clown costume, Sally!

SALLY: Clown-?! It’s Pedrolino!

JULIE:(Walks past her, unwavering at the correction as she makes her way to the others.) Wiggly worms and giggly grins! Watch out party-goers, Frank and Julie’s coming in!

BARNABY:(From further away) Hey! A witch and a guy with a cape brought more eats!

FRANK: I’m a vampire! This gelatin is for looks only too, I better not see a bite taken out of it!

NARRATOR: Sally could only shake her head before one final set of knocks rang through the party. It was finally our friends Eddie Dear and Howdy Pillar! Eddie looked quite elaborate with his costume as Frankenstein's monster while Howdy… Howdy wore a bed sheet. Presumably, he’s a ghost.

HOWDY: I worked hard too! You ever tried to use four scissors at once?

SALLY: …Oh please— re-using the same ghost costume from last year, Howardson?

HOWDY: I resent that implication! Last year’s sheet was off-white— this year’s is eggshell white! And look! (A sound effect plays as Howdy wiggles his antennas.) Wiggle room for the fellas!

EDDIE: Oh! He’s right!

SALLY: Of course— And what of you, mailman? What are you supposed to be?

EDDIE:(Eddie sounds dumbfounded at her question.) I’m… Ya know, that book with the fella brought back from the dead? By the scientist? I worked real hard on this- Ya know, he’s got stitches… A deathly pallor… A bit of a moral conundrum-

SALLY: Yes, yes, of course, mailman! Now come in here, you two, we’re just about to begin the festivities and you’re our last guests!

HOWDY: Well don’t I feel special! Almost makes it worth closin’ the store early!- Is that my favorite regular over there? Gang way!

(Howdy’s shoes can be heard as he barges past Sally and leaves her alone with Eddie at the door.)

EDDIE: Oh, I like your Pedrolino costume, Sally! Ya know, just the other day when it was real slow in the post office, I was doin’ some reading about the Commedia dell'arte and I think it’s just- Oh! Did Frank bring one of his fancy molds again?

SALLY: That’s right, he did, now just come along inside—

NARRATOR: Oh that Eddie could talk! Sally ushered him inside with the others before closing the door behind her. Everyone had made it just in time for the festivities and the scariest part of the day- It was time for the telling of terrific tall tales. The neighbors gathered together in a circle on the floor just as Sally announced storytime with a flashlight in her hand.

SALLY:(Gathering everyone’s attention.) Alright, alright, everyone— I certainly hope you’ve all brought your own terror-filled tall tales for tonight’s Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making—

BARNABY: Tall tales? Heh heh, I only brought one’a them, and it’s right behind me.

WALLY:(Leaning over, slightly hushed.) It looks more like a short tail to me, Barnaby.

SALLY: Oh behave, you two— Now, would anyone like to go first—

JULIE:(She cuts Sally off, waving her hand in the air excitedly.) OOH! OOH! Me–me–meme–me! I’ve got a scary story that’ll make your ears ring with fear!

(She accentuates this with an evil witch cackle! Thunder strikes outside.)

NARRATOR: Julie waved her hand up excitedly and- Was that thunder? It’s a beautiful day outside!

SALLY:(Pleased.) Of course, Juliet. The stage is all yours.

NARRATOR: Julie took the flashlight with a smile and stood before the other neighbors, putting on her spookiest voice.

JULIE: It was a dark and blistery night— or, maybe it was a really nice and sunny day— I can’t remember! Maybe it was a little rainy in the morning and sunny in the afternoon! Who’s keeping track anyways?

FRANK:(Said slightly amused.) You’re keeping track! You’re telling the story!

JULIE: Oh! That’s right. Anyways— (She slips back into her spooky voice.) And on that beautiful, horrifying, dark… sunny… day-night— a squirrel walked by, and—

(Julie suddenly lets out a scream, which elicits a terrified scream from Eddie.)

NARRATOR: Julie let out a scream! It only scared Eddie, though…

SALLY:(Sounding absolutely dumbfounded.) That’s— what was that?!

JULIE: I told you! It’s scary! AND spooky! It’s my scary spooky story!

SALLY: Juliet, that’s hardly a—

JULIE:(Continuing, disregarding Sally’s objections.) And THEN, the squirrel leaned over… and he saw…

(Julie lets out another scream, which elicits yet another horrified yell from poor Eddie.)

NARRATOR: Julie let out another scream! Oh Eddie…

SALLY: Alright, alright! I’m putting a stop to this terrifying train-wreck.

EDDIE: I-I dunno, I thought it was pretty darn scary if ya ask me! I mean, we don’t even know what that squirrel was up to… I don’t like it!

BARNABY: ‘Ey, I’m not sure if it’s bone-chilling, but I’ve got one that’ll tickle your funny bones for sure.

FRANK:(Mad.) NO!

SALLY: Now you listen here–!

NARRATOR: But it was too late- Barnaby took the flashlight from Julie’s hands and held it up to his muzzle like he was holding a microphone!

BARNABY:(Overlapping Sally’s objections.) —So what did a vampire, a zombie, and a ghost say when they walked into the bar? (Pause for comedic effect.) They said “owch!” ‘Cept for the ghost— he says it went right through him!

(Rim shot sound effect can be heard, followed by a disappointed sound from Sally and Frank. There is scattered laughter amongst a few of the neighbors. Mostly Julie, Howdy and Eddie.)

WALLY:(Underneath the others’ laughter.) Ha. Ha. Ha. …I don’t get it. Ha. Ha. Ha.

SALLY: That is NOT a tall tale! In fact, it is incredibly short!

WALLY: That’s what I said.

HOWDY: Barn, yanno, I like your style— but I think everyone is bone-tired of the stand-up so maybe ya oughtta sit down and give ol’ Howdy a crack at it! I’ve got a real antennae-shaker for ya!

SALLY:(Said with a dramatic sigh.) Finally, SOMEONE with a tall tale worth trembling over.

NARRATOR: I’m not sure about this one.

HOWDY: You better believe it, Sal! -So there I was at the counter of Howdy’s Place!- The home of everything you need and everything you don’t, by the way- Just mindin’ the shop, wipin’ down the counters as I do. Admiring the array of wonderful products that you, too, can purchase and enjoy—

NARRATOR: I think we ought to save the advertisements for television, Howdy.

HOWDY: You don’t know what you’re missin’! A-hem! Anyways— out of the corner of my eye, there I saw it: a terrifyingly good deal— left unpurchased, sitting on my shelf, taking up valuable real estate!

EDDIE:(Gasp of horror.) Oh my stars! Not an inefficient use of shelf space!!

HOWDY: Don’t I know it! But it had been there for weeks— unmoving, lowering in value, LOWERING in price! It had to be clearanced! First ten percent, then TWENTY percent— THIRTY, FORTY! FIFTY, SIXTY— until finally… it happened…

EDDIE:(Another startled sound, absolutely flabbergasted!) No—!

HOWDY: That’s right! Not seventy-five, not EIGHTY-FIVE— not even NINETY-FIVE— this must-have item was marked down ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT!

(There is a scream from Julie and Eddie, but a small chuckle coming from Barnaby.)

SALLY: You… can’t be serious!

HOWDY: As serious as a heart attack! I was practically GIVING IT AWAY! But what was the buy of the century left unbought?!

SALLY:(Laced with sarcasm.) I’m… dying to know.

HOWDY: It was… The very sheet I’m wearing!!

EDDIE:(Screams again!) I knew it!!!

HOWDY: Available now for only… For only… 100% off! (Howdy lets out a sound of anguish as he begins to dramatically cry.)

NARRATOR: Barnaby patted Howdy on the back as the caterpillar cashier cried into his shoulders. Maybe these stories are starting to get scary…

WALLY: …Sally, may I tell a story?

SALLY: Oh Walliford, go right ahead… I suppose I don’t see the harm, seeing as how everyone else’s stories have been… lacking.

WALLY: Okay. I’m going to tell my story now.

NARRATOR: Wally stood up in front of the rest of the neighbors as Julie had and a hush fell over everyone. He held the flashlight but it… It’s upside down. Barnaby could you turn that rightside- Oh, thank you. Wally held the flashlight under his face as he began his terrifying tale.

WALLY: Yesterday, I went on a walk. I saw a kite, stuck inside of a tree. When I kept walking, I saw Barnaby. He was practicing his ball-balancing tricks. Then, I saw Eddie delivering the mail to Poppy’s house. (Pause.) …Oh! I almost forgot. I also saw a bug, sitting on a leaf. It reminded me of Frank. After that, I turned around and went home.

SALLY: …And what part of that story was supposed to be scary?

WALLY: Oh. I don’t know if it was scary. I had a nice day.

FRANK: Well, I liked the part in your story about the bug, Wally.

WALLY: Thank you, Frank.

NARRATOR: Oh, that was it! A quiet fell over the neighbors once more, but this time to watch Sally fume! She was shining brightly, getting more frustrated by the second as she tried to collect herself.

SALLY:(Noticeable exasperation in her voice.) …Must I really show you all what the true meaning of terror is? The Macabre Menagerie of Monstrous Mischief-Making is all about thrills and chills, and the fear of what goes BUMP in the night!

BARNABY: Oh, heh, that might’a been me! It was time for my bedtime snack!

SALLY:(With a slight scoff, she proceeds.) You’ll ALL be quivering with fright at my tall tale!

NARRATOR: Sally snatched the flashlight out of Wally’s hands and aimed it underneath her face. Everyone leaned in close to hear.

SALLY:(Sally begins, her tone serious and grave.) Have you ever wondered… Why it is that we stay indoors every night?

BARNABY: To get our beauty rest?

JULIE: So we sing each other good night on the phone before bed?

EDDIE: Oh! So we can sort our stamps!

SALLY: What?! No, no, and no! ...It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent.. Just that it arrives here.

So many stories have risen about their origins… But I know what it is searching for.

[Sally’s Audio is inaudible. If listeners can make out the audio, please help to decipher it with us and your fellow fans. Thank you.]

POPPY:(Poppy announces herself loudly) I have treats ready!

(Everyone is screaming. Wally’s soft ‘aah’ can be heard.)

NARRATOR: Hoo boy! That had me jump up too! Now that was scary! Just like that, the Macabre Menager… Er… Terror N’ Treats nights was a success for Sally and the neighbors of Home! Who knew Poppy dressed as a Pumpkin with a platter of caramel apples was the scariest part of the night!

POPPY: Certainly not me! Oh, would you care for a candy apple, deary?

NARRATOR: Oh yes, thank you- To all you out there on this Terror N’ Treats night, eat plenty, be merry, and be careful… You never know what will come rustling and scratching into the night! Happy haunting and don’t forget to wave up high!

(The NARRATOR cackles villainously as the audio draws to a close.)

WALLY: Hello, you. Welcome Home. How are you today? (Pause; gentle laugh.) That’s just the most! (Pause.) What did you say? Did you ask what I am painting today? Thank you for asking, neighbor. Today I am painting… Feelings. Now that you are here, I know I feel…

JULIE: Joyful?!

WALLY: (Undisturbed.) Oh! Hello, Julie.

JULIE: (Giggling.) Hello, Wally! Did I hear you right? Are you painting feelings?!

WALLY: Yes I am… But I don’t think I know how.

JULIE: Wally Darling, you just need the right inspiration and the right monster for the job! There’s nothing more inspiring than joy! And no one knows joy more than Julie Joyful herself!

WALLY: (Mumbling) Julie Joyful… Oh! You’re right, your last name is Joyful…

JULIE: (Whispering back) It sure is! (Back to regular tone.) So tell me what you need, Wally!

WALLY: Okay, Julie. How do I paint joy?

JULIE: That’s easy beesy! Joy looks like… So ya see, it has a… What if you just close your eyes and imagine a… Hmm… That’s tougher to explain than I thought…

WALLY: (calmly.) Oh.

JULIE: (Said reassuringly) Don’t cry Wally! It’ll be okay! I know just what to do! (Return to her usual sweet tone.) The best way to know what joy looks like is to remember times when you were very happy! I always feel joy everywhere I go and with everyone I know in Home, Wally!

WALLY: Please tell me, Julie.

JULIE: I feel joy… Every time I beat Barnaby in a game of hide and seek! The last time we played, we both had so much fun, even if it did take him a whole clock spin to find me!

JULIE: (Imitating Barnaby) Boy oh boy, I’m feelin’ joyful! Julie you’re so tough to find, it’s like lookin’ for a daffodil in a flower field! I almost thought ya were a begonia! I’m just Orchiddin’ around! Hardy har har!

JULIE: I feel joy… When Sally casts me in her fancy plays! Once I cartwheeled across the stage during a dramatic scene and it made Sally cry tears full of glee!

JULIE: (Imitating Sally, so it is tearfully and dramatically said.) Bravo, Julentine, bravo! The Duchess of Dahlia's jubilations have never been so emotionally vivaciously joyous! It’s Pulchritudinous! Brav-Meeseo!

JULIE: I feel joy… When I bake with Poppy! I remember when I helped Poppy create a whole new kind of pie! Geese berries, crammed berries, that’s-the-last-straw berries- You name it! Poppy was so happy and wanted me to share it with everybody in Home!

JULIE: (Imitating Poppy) Oh my goodness! (Squawk.) Julie, you've created just a splendid dessert! I can’t imagine eating it all on my own, why don’t you share it with everyone in Home instead?

JULIE: I feel joy… When I help Eddie at his post office! Eddie has a lot of mail to organize, so I always give him one of my pep-in-your-step talks so he feels much more joyful about all his work!

JULIE: (Imitating Eddie) Well if that ain’t just the peppiest pep talk I ever heard! It’s making me bloom brighter than a sunflower in the sunshine! Shoot, maybe even a carnation!

JULIE: I feel joy… Every time I give Howdy one of my best jokes at Howdy’s Place! I always make sure to make my jokes extra funny so I can see Howdy smile from antenna to antenna!

JULIE: (Imitating Howdy) Hyuck hyuck hyuck! Julie, you’re hi-larious! I oughtta put two cherries on your malt for all these uproarious laughs you’re givin’ me! This is the bee’s knees! This is the berries! Applesauce!

(The audio distorts. Then it returns to normal.)

WALLY: Wow… Did all that really happen, Julie?

JULIE: It sure did Wally! Then I came up to you and I said ‘cheer up and get down, cause there’s joy here to be found!’ and you said (Wally impersonation.) ‘That’s just the most, Julie!’

WALLY: (In gentle awe.) Oh my…

JULIE: Do you know what joy looks like now, Wally?

WALLY: Yes, I do. But please tell me again, Julie.

JULIE: You got it! Joy is giving and giving and giving! When your friends are feeling down, when there’s wilting abound, joy is there with its wonderful sound! Don’t ya see, Wally?

WALLY: I do see… I’m finished, too. Do you like it, Julie?

JULIE: Golly Wally! It’s beautiful! This makes me so joyful I think I could hopscotch and play hoop at the same time!

WALLY: Before you go do that, Julie… Will you give it a name for me?

JULIE: I sure will! Let’s call it… “Joyful Blossoms!”

WALLY: Hello, you. Welcome Home. I am so happy you are here. How are you today? (Pause.) That’s just the most! (Pause.) What was that? Did you say, what am I painting today? Thank you for asking, neighbor. Today I am painting… Hmmm… I am painting… Ohh… It’s hard to describe it…

FRANK: It sounds to me like you need help!

WALLY: Oh! Hello, Frank… What were you doing in a bush?

FRANK: Julie said a good entrance is the spice of life! (Slightly under breath.) …Whatever that means… (Back to regular tone.) But, what’s bothering you, Wally? It sounds like you can’t seem to turn your thoughts into words!

WALLY: Yes. I cannot. I think I have too many words… I am thinking about painting… Maybe something yellow… Maybe something with wings… Maybe something that walks… Maybe something that wears a nice vest…

FRANK: Frank! It sounds like you’re trying to be Frank!

WALLY: Be Frank?

FRANK: Yes, yes! And well, uh- Frankly, when you’re trying to be Frank, you paint Frank Frankly!

WALLY: I don’t understand.

FRANK: (Earnest, trying to be helpful.) Should I say it again?

WALLY: No… Once is fine.

FRANK: (Proud.) See! You’re doing it already!

WALLY: Yes, but… Frank, how do I paint being frank?

FRANK: That’s quite simple, Wally! (Sound of a chalkboard being rolled in. He can be heard writing on it as he speaks.) To be Frank… Is to be straightforward! Forthright! Unambiguous! In so many words… Unequivocally honest!

WALLY: Ohh… Which one is it?

FRANK: They’re all correct, Wally.

WALLY: (Confused.) All of them? Ohh.

FRANK: Ah- Don’t worry though, Wally! It may seem difficult to understand, but I am more than happy to provide a proper lecture! Why, I can recall many times when I was my most frank self!

WALLY: Please tell me, Frank.

FRANK: Of course, Wally! I feel Frank… When I tell Sally exactly how I feel about the role she casts me in for her plays! I once told her, “I don’t much care for having so few lines, Sally!” Then Sally said-

WALLY: (Interrupting.) Can you do the voices?

FRANK: What? The voices? (Slightly exasperated.) Wally… must I?

WALLY: Julie did the voices when I painted her picture. And, it helps me paint better. So… yes, please.

FRANK: Well… all right! Only if you insist, Wally. Just… like… Julie… Now, where- where was I? Oh, oh right… (Clears throat as if warming up to perform.) Mi mi mi mi mi…

FRANK: (Imitating Sally.) I commend you for your bravery in telling me what you think of my plays, Franklin! I have quite the intimidating aura that would make lesser men shrivel up like a raisin and die! I’ll take what you said into consideration!

WALLY: (Awed.) She really said all that?

FRANK: (Sheepish.) Well- maybe not entirely… but she did hear what I had to say! E-even if she didn’t, really… listen, but… a-as I was saying! I feel frank when I tell Poppy my honest opinion on her crochet projects!

FRANK: (Imitating Poppy.) You really think my crocheting is that impeccable? Oh, thank you, Frank! I do so admire your blunt honesty! Allow me to make you a scarf that says precisely that! Or maybe a pair of socks that says that? Oh, nevermind that, what about a house cozy!

FRANK: (Increasingly grumbling.) And I feel Frank… when I give our mailman a piece of my mind! Especially when he loses my letters in the mail! Or nearly destroys my garden after being startled from seeing a harmless creature! (Now increasingly warm and excited.) Speaking of that little mollusk, I haven’t seen anything quite like it! Nothing about it in any of my books either… So I decided to name it the Helix Aspersa Wavicus!

WALLY: A creature? Is it a new neighbor?

FRANK: (Said nearly cooing.) Oh, no, no- It’s a little garden snail I always see! It has a little shell on its back that’s in the shape of a hand! I think it’s very cute!

WALLY: Oh!

FRANK: Yes! (Realizing.) Wally…! You keep interrupting me! Now I don’t remember where I was…

WALLY: You were going to tell me about Julie.

FRANK: Was I…? Oh! Then, yes! Julie! I am frank with Julie when I tell her I’m not playing any more made up games with her!

FRANK: (Imitating Julie.) Please, Frankie-roni! Please, Frankly-stiltskin! We just need a dozen more cupcakes and a dozen more ladders and your unwavering participation so that we can play Cupcakes and Ladders! Please, Frankie-poo! You just gotta! Pleeease!

WALLY: I see you two playing games all the time.

FRANK: (Clears throat.) Yes, well- Being frank doesn’t really work on Julie… heh. But, at the very least, I’m firm about getting a set of rules for the game!

FRANK: I also feel Frank… When I tell Howdy I’ve only come to the grocery store to get what’s on my shopping list! No last minute additions! No liquid liquidations! No getting two for the price of one! Nothing!

WALLY: Does that work?

FRANK: (Fed up.) No! No it doesn’t! He always says to me…

FRANK: (Imitating Howdy.) Heya, Frank! Buy this thing you don’t need! Better yet, hows about a bar of soap with shoelaces tied around it that I’ve renamed “Whatzi-shoesies”!

WALLY: I think Barnaby has a pair of those.

FRANK: Hmph! I bet he does! (Almost snarling with anger.) Barnaby… Harumph! How could I forget about Barnaby? I feel frank when I tell Barnaby exactly how I feel when he’s being brazen and bad-mannered! Especially when he ignores my “no dogs allowed” sign near my home and- and tramples all over my carrots!

FRANK: (Imitating Barnaby.) You’ll have to pardon my thoughtless actions, Frank, I’m buffoonish and irresponsible on purpose just to make you mad!

WALLY: Barnaby doesn’t talk like that.

FRANK: (With a huff.) You’re right… He would more aptly say… (Clears throat.)

FRANK: (Imitating Barnaby.) I don’t “carrot” all about your lawn, Frank! I can’t read either, so I just do whatever I want and I never get in trouble!

WALLY: Oh… that’s better! So, it all really happened just like that, Frank?

FRANK: (Put-upon.) Every day of my life… (Sincere.) But, Wally, do you know what it looks like to- to be frank, now?

WALLY: I do. But please tell me again, Frank, I like when you say it.

FRANK: (Bashful.) Aw… Certainly! To be Frank is to say exactly what’s on your mind! Even if it means being not so nice sometimes. You can’t be joyful all the time, now can you, Wally?

WALLY: I suppose not… Can I be frank right now?

FRANK: Yes! Go ahead!

WALLY: Frankly, I’m finished with my painting. Do you like it, Frank?

FRANK: (Touched.) Oh, Wally! It’s so unique! There’s not enough words to describe this lovely painting you’ve made!

WALLY: Would you try to give it a name for me anyways?

FRANK: Absolutely I will! We should call it… (The audio distorts.) “Frankly Felt.”

NOTE: Everything is written to the best of our ability.

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo storyteller. You can read along with me in your own book too. When you hear this sound [Doorbell chime plays] it will be time to turn the page.

STORYTELLER: Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page. [Doorbell chime plays] Brick by Brick, A story by [Vinyl record skips. Record distortion plays. Vinyl record returns to normal tone.]

STORYTELLER: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. But what has everyone so busy today? Let’s see here, where is our resident host… Ah, yes! Our very own Wally Darling! Wally, what are you all up to today?

WALLY: Hello, storyteller. Hello, You. [A door can be heard opening and closing five times.] We’re putting on a play today. [A door can be heard opening and closing once.]

STORYTELLER: A play?

SALLY: Not just any play! It’s a frightfully fantastic rendition of a classic! One so grim and ghastly that it is sure to have your pompadour turning white, Walliford!

WALLY: Oh no… But I like how blue it is. [A door can be heard opening and closing once.] Sally, could Home be in the play?

STORYTELLER: To showcase his talents, Home began to sing as sweetly as a house possibly could. [A door can be heard squeaking with no rhythm.]

SALLY: Alas, my dear Homeregard, I have already cast everyone for my show! [A door squeaks once.] In fact, I am delivering my last script to one of my stars as we speak!

[A door can be heard warbling.]

STORYTELLER: Home could only creak sadly.

WALLY: Don’t be sad, Home, maybe you will get to be in the next one.

[Doorbell chime plays]

SALLY: Oh Poppy! Poppy, dear, I’ve got just the play for you!

STORYTELLER: Sally Starlet said as she pranced over to the barn of our favorite bird in all of Home; Poppy Partridge!

POPPY: Favorite? Oh ho ho, dear, you’re flattering me!

SALLY: Oh ho ho, that’s all well and good, but our Storyteller forgot to add that you’re also…

POPPY:[Nervous clucking.] Oh no, don’t say it-

SALLY: That’s right! You’re going to be in my next production! A Sally Starlet reimagining of The Telltale Heart!

POPPY: No, no- Oh Sally! Sally dear, I can’t! You see I-.. The Telltale Heart?! [Fearful squawk.] I couldn’t! I’m- I’m much too busy! I have to… Re-cozy my nest!

SALLY: Mhm. Re-cozy… Your nest?

POPPY: Yes! That’s right! One can’t be too comfortable- [Pause] …Or can you be….

[Doorbell chime plays]

STORYTELLER: Both Sally and Poppy took a gander at her Poppy-prepped nest. With so many pillows, blankets, and a swimming floaty already prepared, it made Sally wonder what else she could need.

POPPY: Uh- Well- You see- I need… A cozy! Yes! A cozy for my… Lamp! I’m so intent on making sure everything in my home is as comfy as I am! I’m much too busy and I’m terribly behind! Go on without me, Sally!

STORYTELLER: Poppy exclaimed.

POPPY: (Poppy recedes into her home) Go on!! Without me!

SALLY: But Poppy!-

STORYTELLER: As Poppy returned to… Cozy-ing up her barn, Sally stood there in silence. What would she do now?! She was speechless! Taken aback! Shocked! Appalled-

SALLY: Tch, tch- Silence, Storyteller! Homeregard, it seems there has been an opening…

STORYTELLER: Home cheered. [A door opens and closes twice. Triumphant fanfare plays.] Wally cheered too.

WALLY: Hoo-Ray! [A door opens and closes once. Smaller triumphant fanfare plays.]

[Doorbell chime plays]

STORYTELLER:[A door opens and closes seven times.] The neighbors set to work on Sally’s next production and gathered the outfits and props needed without their feathered friend. Even though everything was coming together, Poppy was still on Sally’s mind.

BARNABY: On your mind, huh, Sal? Did she chicken out?

SALLY:[Gasps.] Chicken out!? I’ll have you know she was busy cozying up her barn!

BARNABY: A likely story. I can smell an excuse like that from a mile away.

STORYTELLER: Said Barnaby.

SALLY:[Scoffing.] An excuse?! To avoid taking part in one of my fantastic plays?!

FRANK: I hate to agree with him-

BARNABY: A likely story.

STORYTELLER: Barnaby said.

FRANK: -But! He’s right. To be Frank, Poppy is a bit of a…

JULIE: A scaredy bird!

HOWDY: An anxious consumer!

EDDIE: As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs!

FRANK: …Yes. Yes to all of them.

STORYTELLER: In that moment, it had finally dawned on her. Poppy wasn’t busy… She was too frightened to take part in such a scary play as Sally’s! Sally felt terrible to say the least!

[Doorbell chime plays]

SALLY: Shoo! No need to announce my feelings like that! [Dramatic gasp.] But Poppy! Oh my dear Poppy! I’ve been so ignorant to her needs! I’ve been so-

JULIE: Silly!

HOWDY: No, no, she’s been thoughtless!

EDDIE: Oh wait I know! She’s been downright rude!

SALLY: That’s enough from the peanut gallery! [A soft sigh.] I must do something to rectify my mistake! So that she knows that we are all mindful of her fearful disposition! But… What if she hears the play from her barn? Or worse- What if she sees it?

STORYTELLER: Sally cried.

JULIE: Well- Whenever I’m scared, Sally, I just cover my eyes! Like this! Ah!!

FRANK: What was that?!

JULIE: Sorry- It was dark in there!

FRANK: Of course it was- Well! Maybe Poppy needs someone to build her up to your theatrics so she isn’t so scared, Sally.

BARNABY: Yes… One might even say… Brick-by-Brick…

FRANK: Don’t steal my ideas!

SALLY: You all might be onto something…

JULIE: Yeah we are! Ah!!

STORYTELLER: Julie said before she covered her eyes again and screamed.

FRANK: Julie, stop that.

[Doorbell chime plays]

STORYTELLER: So off they went to prepare their plans to ensure Poppy would be safe and secure inside her cozy little barn! Who knew all it would take were some bricks, a little glue, and the help of the entire neighborhood?

POPPY: Oh yes, that sounds like a pleasant craft!

STORYTELLER: Once gathered together again, the neighbors happily set to work bricking up her windows!

POPPY: Wonderful! Yes, yes quite wonderful- BRICKING?!

STORYTELLER: Yes! See for yourself!

POPPY: What’s all this?! W-What are you doing!?

JULIE: Don’t worry Poppy! We’re just putting down bricks!

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

POPPY: B-Bricks?! For what?!

SALLY: Fret not, Poppy! I have realized the errors of my assumption! Together, we have all come up with this ingenious method of protecting your sensitive self from experiencing anything frightful!

HOWDY: That’s right Poppy! And I provided the Howdy Pillar-Certified Bricks to do just the job! Crumblessness guaranteed!

STORYTELLER: Howdy bragged certifiably.

EDDIE: And that’s my Eddie-Certified glue! Just a little glitter sprinkled in goes a long way!

STORYTELLER: Eddie said mailman-ly.

WALLY: I’m sorry Home couldn’t be here to help, Poppy, but he hopes you will get well soon.

JULIE:[Whispering.] She’s not sick, Wally! She’s scared!

WALLY: Oh! That’s good, it worked very fast.

POPPY: All this fuss for me? I-I can’t say I’m not flattered, but-

SALLY: That’s right! Your beak shan’t shutter in fear any longer! Nor shall you bear witness to my petrifying and very convincing theatrics!

STORYTELLER: Sally exclaimed. The realization hit Poppy just as quickly as it was spoken. If she were behind a wall of bricks, then that meant no ghostly wails or witch cackles could be heard from the stage! She would sit nestled in her home, tucked away safely with her crochet needles and all-seed tea.

POPPY: …You’re right, Sally! Yes, this is a splendid idea! It’s magnificent! Stupendous! Hurry now, the show must go on and I won’t be the reason it’s delayed!

SALLY: Oh of course! Hurry up, peanuts!

BARNABY:[Whispering] She’s callin’ us peanuts.

STORYTELLER: Barnaby mumbled. And hurry they did! The neighbors quickly blocked up the remainder of Poppy’s windows until the very last brick was popped into place. Never had a home looked so safe and cozy!

[Audio ends.]

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo storyteller! You can read along with me in your own book too! When you hear this sound (SOUND PLAYS.) it will be time to turn the page!

A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record.

Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page.

“Springtime Salutations” by 

(Garbled sound.)

(Storyteller clears throat.)

What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. Today is a special day in Home for our most joyful resident in the neighborhood; Julie Joyful! …Julie? Julie Joyful?

JULIE:(Mumbling in her sleep. She lets out a gentle snore.) Wha…? Huh…? No, Frank, the tulips don’t think your bowtie looks silly…

STORYTELLER: Julie? Wake up, Julie!

JULIE:(Lets out a loud yawn.) Oh? Ooh… Oh! Ooh hoo hoo! Good morning, storyteller! 

STORYTELLER: Good morning, Julie. Now where was I… Oh yes! Julie Joyful was getting ready for a very special day after her very long hibernation.

JULIE: You’re telling me! It felt extra, extra, extra—a long this time! (Wistful sigh.) I’ve been dreaming of this day since Homewarming!Now it’s time to spring into action and say salutations to springtime! Aaand good morning Home-! (Gasps.)

STORYTELLER: Julie threw open the door and hopped outside, letting the warm rays of the sun shine down upon her… Oh! Nevermind! She instead jumped into a pile of snow!

JULIE:(Comedic scream.) What! What’s going on here?!

STORYTELLER: Julie shouted. “What” was right! All of Home was still covered in a blanket of snow. What should have been a beautiful and sunny day was instead just as cold and dreary as the day she went into her sweet winter’s slumber.

JULIE:(Shouting in frustration.) You’re telling me! This is outrageous! Inrageous! Rageouses of every sort! Why I oughtta! Ooh!!

STORYTELLER: With that, Julie stormed back inside. This rainbow monster wouldn’t take this unexpected snow day sitting down! No, sir! When she came back out, she knew just what to do!

JULIE: I know just what to do! But first…

STORYTELLER: But first?

JULIE: Frank! Fraaaank! Frank!!!

STORYTELLER: Of course! Julie called for the grouchiest greyest grump in all of Home; Frank Frankly! Julie ran up to his door and gave it a hardy kick in. She galloped up the stairs and leaped onto his bed, scaring him awake. 

FRANK:(Screaming, yelping in terror then in anger.) Aaah!! Ah!! (Calms down) Oh- Julie, it’s just you. (Said deadpan, but sincere.) Springtime salutations, Julie.

JULIE: Hold onto those salutations, Frank! There’s no springtime to see! 

STORYTELLER: Julie said. She grabbed a hold of Frank’s head and turned it towards the window. 

JULIE: Look!

STORYTELLER: It was just as Julie said! The neighborhood was covered in snow. Frank could even see it covering the clock tower in town. He got a gander at his poor garden. Frank even got a glance at Eddie!

EDDIE: Mornin’ Mr. Frankly! Mornin’ Ms. Joyful! (Falls with a yelp.)

FRANK:(Gasping in disbelief) My tomatoes! Look at how terribly cold they are!

STORYTELLER: Frank said.

FRANK: Julie! How are you already awake if spring hasn’t sprung?

JULIE: It’s a rainbow monster’s intuition to know when it’s time to spring into spring! But if springtime hasn’t sprung, I can’t spring! You see?

FRANK: Barely. I just woke up.

STORYTELLER: Frank grumbled.

FRANK: This hasn’t happened before, has it? What do we do now? The bugs are expecting a wake up call soon, but instead of flower fields they’ll just see… Snowy sleets!

JULIE: Fret not, Frank Frankly! Your Julie Joyful will uncover exactly who the real culprit is of this unsprung spring! 

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

FRANK: Culprit? What do you mean culprit, Julie. 

JULIE: No time to explain, Frank! We got places to be and folks to see!

STORYTELLER: Julie insisted.

FRANK: What? But where are we going? It’s chilly outside!

JULIE: Always with the questions! We don’t have time to lose! I’ll meet you outside!

FRANK: Wha- What?!

STORYTELLER: As quickly as she came inside, Julie ran off Frank’s bed and leaped through the window of his home and fell down onto Eddie below. 

JULIE: Thanks for breaking my fall, Eddie!

EDDIE:(He groans. Then he sounds chipper) Happy to be of service!

STORYTELLER: Once Frank had put on his winter clothing, he and Julie set out to uncover who was to blame for the delay in springtime. While Frank seemed to be lost in thought over how they would solve this problem, Julie was happily skipping along, almost as if she knew exactly where to go. As the two ventured deeper into the forest, Frank began to ask questions.

FRANK: How will we get rid of all this snow, Julie?

STORYTELLER: Frank asked.

JULIE: You’ll see, Frank!

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

FRANK: What do you think caused spring not to… Spring, Julie?

STORYTELLER: Frank asked.

JULIE: You’ll see, Frank!

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

FRANK: I will? When will we get there, Julie?

STORYTELLER: Frank asked.

JULIE: You’ll see!

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

FRANK: Julie, you haven’t answered any of my questions! Could you at least tell me where we’re going!?

STORYTELLER: Frank asked.

JULIE: You’ll see- Oh wait! We’re here, Frank!

STORYTELLER: Julie said. 

FRANK: Here? Where is here?

STORYTELLER: Frank asked.

JULIE: This is my family cave!

STORYTELLER: Julie cheered. Indeed it was! Julie and Frank had arrived at the entrance of a cave that sat atop the nearby mountain. 

JULIE: It’s where I bloomed when I was just a rainbow monster blush! Let’s go inside, my brother and sisters are going to fix all of this!

STORYTELLER: Frank was in disbelief over how far they had traveled as they both walked inside to greet Julie’s siblings.

FRANK: Your brother and sisters?

JULIE: That’s right, Frank! They’re the Joyfuls!

STORYTELLER: Julie exclaimed.

JULIE: That’s my tough sister Franny, my groovy brother Jonesy, and my sister Bea who is as sweet as honey! Don’t they just look like the flower’s petals?!

FRANK:(Disgruntled.) They look asleep.

STORYTELLER: Frank was right! There, the Joyfuls were all still nestled in their nests, fast asleep.

JULIE: Ooh… That explains why they didn’t say hi! Don’t worry, I know what to do!

STORYTELLER: Julie said.

JULIE:(Said playfully.) Uh oh, I’m feeling bummed out!

FRANNY:(Drowsily.) Don’t be Fran-tic…

JONESY:(Drowsily.) If you’re jonesing for a good time…

BEA:(Drowsily.) Just remember to Bea…

JULIE:(Cheerful) Joyful!

 FRANNY, JONESY AND BEA:(Drowsily; in unison with Julie.) Joyful!

STORYTELLER: The three rainbow monsters shot up in their nests as they looked at Julie and Frank.

 FRANNY:(Angrily.) Julie, is that you? What are you doing barging into our cave unannounced? We need our sleep!

JONESY: Why all the yelling, sis? Jewels is just throwing a surprise party for us… (Sadly said.) You’re making my leaves wilt with all this commotion…

BEA: You two are talking over her… I bet she has a very good reason to wake up… Isn’t that right, Julie?

JULIE: I do, I do! But first, I want you all to meet Frank!

STORYTELLER: The three looked unimpressed.

FRANNY: Awful gray, isn’t he…

JONESY: Have you tried wearing more purple? A pop of color is where it’s at, man… After a few hibernations, I’m sure you’ll get there.

BEA: Like, 
I don’t think he’s a rainbow monster, Jonesy… He doesn’t have any horns…

FRANNY:(She scoffs.) No style…

JONESY:(Said mournfully.) No flair…

JULIE:(Said solemnly.) Nothing but a joy to be around…

FRANK: Enough! We’re not here to meet me! Julie says you all can fix what’s going on with our neighborhood!

BEA: Oh! That place called 
Home?

JULIE: Yes! Home’s covered in snow! How can I make the flowers bloom in those conditions, my dearest siblings? I can’t! I Shan’t! I Shon’t!

FRANK: You won’t.

JULIE: I willn’t!

FRANNY: What? Julie, I always set my alarm clock precisely. I’m never wrong!

JONESY:(Jokingly said.) She’s right, Julie Bean… She’s never wrong, she always sets my alarm clock precisely.

FRANNY:(Said accusingly) Because someone here doesn’t!

JONESY: Yeah, someone here doesn’t.

BEA: I believe what they mean to say… Is that it sounds like you’re here early, Julie.

JULIE: What! But how can that be? My rainbow monster intuition woke me up and told me to spring into action!

FRANNY: When doesn’t it? You spring into everything, even when spring is fall. 

JULIE: Hmm…

FRANK: Julie, don’t tell me.

BEA: 
…Hmm… Looks like you two are here a whole two clock turns early!

JONESY:(Wistfully.) Aw man… Those are two turns I could have used to dream about the color green…

JULIE: Oh wow! You’re right, sis! I am early! I must’ve been so excited for springtime that I woke up even earlier than usual! Frank, isn’t that funny? Hahaha!

FRANK:(Groans.)

BEA
: That’s alright, Julie. I like springtime too… I just can’t wait to burst from my burrow and greet the sun…

JONESY:(Cheerful and upbeat.) Yeah… And I love gettin’ up and gettin’ down with the seedlings and the sprouts! It’s everyone’s time to be in the spotlight…

FRANNY: Yes… I suppose I’m fond of turning snow into morning dew so everything can grow… Hmph.

STORYTELLER: It didn’t take long before the beautifully voiced leader of the band of rainbow monsters came to a conclusion.

FRANNY: It’s settled then. Joyfuls, we are bringing Spring early this turn.

BEA: 
Oh, goodie!

JONESY:(Joyful) Groovy!

JULIE: Yippee!

FRANK:(Exasperated.) Finally…

STORYTELLER: And bring spring early they did! The Joyfuls emerged from their cave and set to work. Franny played on her keyboard and watered the frost down to a gentle drizzle. Jonesy strummed on his bass, awakening the once sleeping greenery from their slumber. Bea blew into her flute, calling forth the rays of sunshine to beam down on all of Home. Julie, however, was her own instrument. As she and Frank bid the siblings both farewell and thanks, Julie began singing the flowers into bloom.

JULIE:(Singing) It’s time to spring, sprang, sprung,
For our springtime salutations!
It’s time to bloom, blossom, flower,
With melodious vibrations!

FRANK:(Singing) And all it took,
Was some careful Family collaborations.

JULIE: That’s right, Frank! And now it’s time-!
(Singing) For our springtime salutations!
(Julie stops singing.) 
Come on, Frank, let’s go wake up everyone else!

STORYTELLER: Julie and Frank both ran through the flower fields as they made their way back to Home. They just knew everyone would be overjoyed to see how beautiful the neighborhood had become after such a long, cold, dark winter.

SALLY: Hello! Once upon a time, beneath the twinkling stars (like me!)… There lay a land unfamiliar to our own! A beautiful kingdom, lush with splendor, and ruled by a benevolent king.

WALLY: Hello, I am the benevolent king. Hark! My daughter has been born and I am throwing a grand ball to celebrate.

(Sound of a ball bouncing by. Then the sound of items crashing or breaking.)

SALLY: Who threw that?! Eugh! (Sighs.) Next line, Walliford, next line!

WALLY: Yes. I am inviting everyone else in the kingdom except for Barnaby the Wicked. (Realizes Barnaby wasn’t invited. Sadly said.) Barnaby can’t come?

SALLY: Little did the king know, Barnaby the Wicked had caught word of this stupendous celebration and his revoked invitation! In a fit of fury, he barged into the festivities and announced his arrival with wrathful ire!

BARNABY: Did somebody say Barnaby the Wicked?!

(Horn honking. Then sound of applause.)

WALLY: I did!

BARNABY: Thank you, thank you! I just flew in from an enchanted meadow somewhere and boy are my wings tired! …Hey- What’s all the commotion about? And What’s with the cue ball here?

WALLY: The commotion is a birthday party and the cue ball is my lovely princess Julie!

HOWDY: That’s right, pal! And I’m the Good Fairy Howdy Pillar! That little bundle of joy there is a potential consumer, so hands off the baby, buster!

BARNABY: A fancy shindig for a baby? And ya didn't invite me?! Barnaby the Wicked? With a name like that, you know I'm the life of the party! I oughtta teach you mutts some manners!

WALLY: Oh nooo!

BARNABY: Oh yeah, ya asked for it now! You might be the prettiest girl at the party now, Princess Julie, but when ya get big and strong, you’re gonna get a splinter from a spindle of a spinning wheel and die!

HOWDY: That’s what you think! Move it or lose it, Barnaby the Wicked!Princess Julie, when ya get big and strong, instead of kickin’ the bucket… You’ll fall into a deep snooze… But one kiss from your true love will put that pep right back in your step! That’s a Good Fairy Howdy guarantee!

WALLY: Hoo–ray!

BARNABY: Rats! Foiled again by my lack’a foresight! Well, I’m hittin’ the road! I know when I’m not wanted!

WALLY: Good bye, Barnaby the Wicked.

BARNABY: Seeya later, kid.

SALLY: Even as Howdy placed an enchantment on the child, there was still a wave of unease throughout the kingdom. To prevent Barnaby the Wicked’s curse from coming to fruition, King Wally had all of the spinning wheels burned in a great fire. Still, he knew that would not be enough to quell the malicious hex placed upon her.

WALLY: This will not be enough to quell the malicious hex placed upon her.

HOWDY: You’re tellin’ me.

SALLY: King Wally would request that the good fairy Howdy whisk her away to his grocery store in the outskirts of the kingdom in order to hide her away from Barnaby the Wicked.

HOWDY: Pro bono princess, huh? Don’t mind if I do! Magical convenience stores don’t run themselves!

SALLY: For many clock turns, the good fairy Howdy would raise young princess Julie into a big and strong rainbow monster. But to keep her origins a secret, he would give her the name Sweet Briar.

JULIE: That’s me! Sweet Briar! Oh how lovely am I! How cheery I be!

HOWDY: Watch where you’re twirlin’ that broom, Sweet Briar! You’re likely to whack one’a my antennas off!

JULIE: Sorry, Howdy! I’m just so happy to work here everyday! In fact, it makes me so happy that I could sing! (Deep inhale.)

HOWDY: Ya- ya could! But how about ya go outside instead and- (Said like he’s about to vomit.) Take the day augh… Take the day orgh… Oh, forget it! Scram, will ya?!

JULIE: Okay! Yippee!

HOWDY: Don’t talk to anybody strange, either! There could be entomologists out there!

SALLY: Sweet Briar skipped off into the nearby woods, letting her melodious voice move through the trees, over the beautiful bushels of flowers, and finally upon the ears of a handsome prince, Prince Frank.

FRANK: Hark! I hear the enchanting singing of a bewitching maiden true.

JULIE: The bewitching maiden is me! But I’m no witch! I’m Sweet Briar!

FRANK: So you are! I’ve been pleasantly enraptured with your unique warbling, my Sweet Briar. I’m Prince Frank, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

JULIE: Golly! A prince! But what is a prince doing out here?

FRANK: The script called for it. My Sweet Briar, will you dance with me amongst the flora and fauna and serenade me with your lovely voice?

JULIE: You bet your behind I will!

FRANK: I’m behind what?

SALLY: Sweet Briar and Prince Frank danced to a song only they could hear, broken off from the rest of the world. When they finally broke apart, the two departed, promising to see each other again very soon. Sweet Briar returned home with a skip in her step. She told the good fairy Howdy she had fallen in love!

JULIE: Hark! Your Sweet Briar is home! In home and in love!

HOWDY: In love?!

JULIE: With a prince! Aren’t I lucky?

HOWDY: Sounds like a lot of hooey, Sweet Briar! What kinda fella walks around declarin’ he’s a prince? He’s the one that oughtta consider himself the lucky one here, it ain’t everyday that somebody meets a princess in the woods-

JULIE: Princess?! I’m a princess?!

HOWDY: (Gasps and plays stupid.) What! Who's the wise guy that said that? Must’a been a squeaky door or somethin’... Or that Barnaby the Wicked!

JULIE: Barnaby the Wicked?!

HOWDY: (Gasps again) There it goes again! Where are ya, ya scoundrel?!

JULIE: Quit playin’ silly, Howdy! What’s this business about me being a princess?

HOWDY: (In agony.) Alright, alright! Ya forced it outta me! The jig is up! Sweet Briar, you’re a bonafide princess and- I won’t spare you the borin’ details- you’re betrothed to some prince! Later today, in fact! I’m also a good fairy! …In retrospect I should’a told ya that sooner…

JULIE: That explains the little wings and wand! But Howdy I can’t marry somebody else, I’m in love!

HOWDY: You’re about to be in the castle gettin’ betrothed, young lady! Get your fantastical and whimsical fairytale shoes on and let's hit the road!

JULIE: Woe is me! Boo hoo! BUAAA!!!

HOWDY: Oh, boo hoo on the road, we’re gonna be late!

SALLY: Sweet Briar, or as we know her now, Princess Julie, was escorted back to the castle from where she had been born. Unfortunately for the good fairy Howdy, King Walliford was nowhere to be seen. As the fairy searched about the castle for the king, Princess Julie wandered around the castle on her own. It did not take long for her to run into a curious figure- a seemingly old dog sitting at a spinning wheel.

JULIE: Ooo… Is that a spinning wheel?

BARNABY: (Old man voice.) Nah, it’s a elephant- A’course it’s a spinnin’ wheel! Can’t ya see I’m makin’ yarn so I can crochet my dear sweet Mama a pair of mittens?!

JULIE: Oh my, that’s so kind of you! Could I give it a try? I just met a prince and I’d love to make him a nice hat!

BARNABY: (Old man voice.) Go right ahead, kid.

JULIE: Thanks! (Julie pricks her finger and yelps.) Ow! A splinter! That really-! …That really… Stung… (The sound of Julie collapsing to the floor can be heard.)

SALLY: With naught but a miniscule prick of the spindle, Princess Julie collapsed to the floor and fell into a deep slumber! But who was that haggard old dog that sent Julie to her unexpected sleep?

BARNABY: (Throws off his disguise and adjusts his voice.) Hey! Who’re ya callin’ haggard?! It’s just me! Beloved Barnaby the Wicked! Havin’ my good ol’ natured fun!

(The sound horn honking sporadically.)

HOWDY: (Comes in and gasps dramatically.) Princess Julie! What happened to ya?! (Howdy gasps again when he sees Barnaby.) Hark! Barnaby the Wicked! What’re you doin’ here?! You cad! You scoundrel! You rogue! You rascal!

BARNABY: Hey! I don’t gotta take this! I’m hittin’ the road! I know when I’m not wanted!

HOWDY: Not so fast! You’re goin’ to bed too, pal! For good!

BARNABY: No I ain’t! I’m…! Hark…! I’m feelin’ a nap comin’ on… (Sound of Barnaby collapsing to the floor. A honk is heard too.)

WALLY: Did somebody say Hark? Oooh… (Sound of Wally collapsing to the floor.)

HOWDY: … Y’know what, Howdy? Not bad! I can make this work!

SALLY: It was then that the good fairy Howdy set to work on his marvelous plan of awakening Princess Julie! First, he would allow the entire kingdom to fall into a deep slumber alongside their princess. Next, he would place fliers all throughout the neighboring lands, in hopes of finding the single most important ingredient to his spell- true love’s kiss! A beautiful and meaningful symbol of everlasting love!

FRANK: Oh my! (Sounding as though he is reading it off a poster.) Help Wanted: Looking for a true love to undo an evil enchantment from Barnaby the Wicked… Must be princely, brave, and romantic. Preferably handsome, but homely will do.

HOWDY: I see you’re eyeballin’ my very prestigious poster! Any interest, stranger?

FRANK: Oh goodness, no. You see, I already have a true love of my own!

HOWDY: (Uninterested.) Ya don’t say…

FRANK: Yes, she is quite a pretty picture! She has beautiful golden hair as radiant as the sunshine itself-

HOWDY: (Uninterested.) Uh huh.

FRANK: And a disposition as merry as a freshly bloomed marigold in springtime-

HOWDY: (Uninterested.) Mhm.

FRANK: And the elegant warbling of a beautiful nightingale!

HOWDY: (Uninterested.) Warbling, huh…- (He pauses.) Wait a second! You’re that prince she was ramblin’ on and on about!

FRANK: Excuse me?

HOWDY: You’re hired for the job! Hustle! Shake a leg! Before I trade you out with the local town fool!

FRANK: Thank you, I think?

SALLY: So Prince Frank followed the good fairy Howdy up to the princess’ keep at the very top of the castle’s highest spire. When he arrived in the room, he was taken aback by the scene before him. The princess’ bedroom was as luxurious as a newly bloomed garden and the princess’ cheeks were a hue as warm as that of roses.

FRANK: Had I known you were in such turmoil, Sweet Briar, I would have sought you out sooner. Yet here you lay in your flower bed, ravaged by a curse that doomed you to your fate at the mere utterance of its spell. Allow me to grant you your freedom, Sweet Briar, and seal your destiny with a kiss.

BARNABY: (In his sleep.) Are you an artist… Cause this is really drawn out…

SALLY: Quiet! Barnaby the Wicked’s body was trapped in everlasting slumber, if one might recall! Silence filled the princess’ keep as Prince Frank leaned in close to his Sweet Briar to release her from this wretched curse and awaken her from her slumber!

(PAUSE)

JULIE: (Bursting to life.) Callooh Callay!

FRANK: (Yelps in confusion.) S-Sweet Briar! You’ve- You’ve awoken from your sleep!

JULIE: That’s princess Julie to you! And That’s right! It’s all thanks to you that the curse was lifted! …And yet…

FRANK: And yet…?

JULIE: Oh my handsome prince! I am betrothed to another! Prince Frank, run away with me! Our love cannot thrive here!

HOWDY: Don’t run away! We just got this all sorted out- Go on, King Wally, tell ‘em!

WALLY: (Sleepily said.) Hmm? Oh… Princess Julie, you’re awake…! I… Oh, I lost my place…

BARNABY: (Whispered.) The betrothal, kid.

WALLY: Oh yes. Don’t run away, Princess Julie, the one you were betrothed to… Was actually Prince Frank!

JULIE: Hooray!!

FRANK: How convenient!

JULIE: Well you heard the king, Prince Frank! Let’s get hitched!

FRANK: Yes! Our wedding awaits, Princess Julie!

HOWDY: (Crying and blowing into a handkerchief.) I love happy endings!

BARNABY: (From his spot on the ground.) What am I, chopped liver? 

SALLY: (Sung chipperly.) Noooo! (Normal voice.) You’re dead!

BARNABY: Oh good, I’ll just stay down here then.

SALLY: As I was saying… With Barnaby the Wicked defeated and the kingdom awake and in high spirits, the wedding celebration could finally begin! And beneath those very same stars, Prince Frank and Princess Julie were married amongst a garden of sweet briars and lived happily ever after.

[Intro melody plays.]

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I would be your Marlo Storyteller, but this time, I think I’ll sit in the audience! [Adjusts seat.] We can watch the play together by reading along in your own book! When you hear this sound [A whistle melody plays for the page turn.] it will be time to turn the page! A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record. Let’s watch the show by going to the first page. “Prim-rella” by Sally Starlet.

HOWDY: [excitedly] And narrated by yours truly, Howdy Pillar! Of Howdy’s Place fame and fortune! The director’s got her hands full, so I kindly volunteered to fill the role! Good news for yous toos, ‘cause I know how to get to the good stuff!

SALLY: Pray to the skies above you perform well, Howardson! Go on, start with the show!

HOWDY: Right away, your directorial-ness!

SALLY: [from offstage] Has anyone seen my crown? [starts sputtering as the crown tumbles away]

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: Once upon a time, high above the leafy greens... There lived a kind broad full of hope named Primrose! [A cheerful xylophone plays.] She was a real go-getter who lived in a pretty snazzy manor! If you ask me, she could’ve been mistaken for royalty with the look of this place! It was a full house, too! A mother, a father– The whole nine yards! All seemed well and good too- until suddenly, it wasn’t! [An off-tune flute plays, followed by a lower tute for every new sentence.] For starters, her old man kicked the bucket! Then their mother abandoned the kids with her share of the fortune! That left our poor maiden, who was stuck with a bunch of real-

SALLY: [interrupting Howdy] - really beautiful, elegant, and poised women! Yet still, despite their appearances, these women were cantankerous, cruel, and cold! [A layered off-tune flute plays.] Unfortunately for the young Primrose, she would be forced to call these women… [dramatically] her sisters! [Cue thunderclap.] Their names were Bluebell! [A light whistle plays.] Honeysuckle…

EDDIE: [begrudging falsetto] …and Clover. Uh, say, Sally - Or, erm - Sister, dear, how come I couldn’t do my own make-up and costume again? It looks like you smooshed a can of peas on my eyelids... Shoot, I feel like a gussied up four-leaf clover…

POPPY: [giggling anxiously] Yes, Sally- I mean- Dear sister! You’ve used more... lipstick than I anticipated...! Perhaps I can get a napkin and just... remove a smidgen from my beak…

SALLY: [shouting] QUIET, SISTERS!

POPPY & EDDIE: EEP!

SALLY: [confidently] We are gorgeous! Never forget you are above the rabble! Now then, sisters, let us go on the veranda and admire the splendor our father has left us! And let’s take care to avoid our poor wretch of a sister! [laughing haughtily as she walks off] Oh ho ho ho!

POPPY & EDDIE: [in sync] Yes, sister dear! [copying Sally’s laugh] Oh ho ho ho!

EDDIE: [whispering to Poppy] Daddy left us a veranda?

POPPY: [whispering back] Goodness, no wonder we’re spoiled rotten…

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: [troubled] That’s right, those sisters of hers were rotten to the roots! So rotten in fact that they forced their youngest sister, Primrose, to take care of the place all on her own! Every night, after finishing all her chores, she’d be so tired that she’d just fall asleep wherever she was cleaning! And every morning she’d always wake up covered in soot and cinders... So much so that her rotten, no-good sisters started callin’ her... [A hopeful melody plays.] Prim-rella! [unamused] …Prim-rella? Not Cinder-rose? Not even Soot-rella? I’d even take Charcoal-rina…

SALLY: [shouting] QUIET, YOU!

HOWDY: EEP!

SALLY: [speaking under her breath] The name was suitable and matched the aesthetical feel of the play! Duh! [clears throat] Every day when Prim-rella would hear this name ring out through the home, she knew her sisters were not far behind!

[A curt melody plays with each sister’s line.]

SALLY: Prim-rella, shine my slippers!

EDDIE: Prim-rella, shine my hats!

POPPY: Prim-rella, shine whatever this is!

JULIE: [wailing as many items are shoved into her arms] WO-OA-OAH! [happily] You got it sis!

SALLY: [laughing nervously before whispering sharply] No, no! Your character, Julie! Anguish! Loss! Despair!

JULIE: Oh, yeah! [repeating the line more sadly] Boohoo! Waaaah! You got it!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: Thankfully for ol’ Prim-rella, she had herself a couple of woodland friends to keep her company and help her with the dirty work! The first was a very successful entrepreneur named Mr. Fox! [A dinging sound plays.]

WALLY: And the second was a mouse! [A single flute toot plays.]

JULIE: [happily] Ooh, my woodland friends, isn’t today just lovely? The sun is shining, [high melody] the dirt is dirty, [low melody] and my chores list is through the roof!

HOWDY: [As Mr. Fox] [frustrated] Y’call this lovely? We’re livin’ like a couple of animals!

WALLY: I thought we were a couple of animals.

HOWDY: Well I don’t know about you, woodland critter number 2, but woodland critter number 1 dreams of livin’ in the lap of luxury! Prim-rella, you gotta do somethin’!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: But Mr. Fox, what more could I ask for? I have everything I could ever want here! [Three high notes play with each item listed.] A roof over my head, a warm pile of cinders to sleep in, and the company of my two dear friends!

WALLY: Ooh, she has a good point. What more could one ask for…?

HOWDY: Well, it ain’t enough for this handsome devil! Don’t worry, Prim-rella, your connections ain’t goin’ unrewarded! [sneakily] Time to do some old fashioned ‘stickin’ my nose where it don’t belong.’

JULIE: Alright, but if you don’t hurry back in time, the mouse and I are gonna shine all of the thing-a-ma-bobs without ya!

WALLY: Boy, oh boy, these things-a-ma-bobs are going to look so nice.

JULIE: And how!

HOWDY: [As Narrator] As Prim-rella and the mouse worked on gettin’ her rotten sisters’ goods all nice and polished, Mr. Fox made his way through the manor. He knew he’d find some gossip on how to get them out of this mess! Luckily for him, Mr. Fox overheard the sisters talkin’ about a grand ball!

[Suddenly, there’s the sound of a ball bouncing from seemingly nowhere, before it smashes into something.]

SALLY: [angrily] Who threw that?!

EDDIE: [high-pitched, excitedly] Oh me, oh my! A grand ball? For all the maidens in the land?

POPPY: Oh, yes! And look here, it says it’s being thrown by the king of our kingdom! Looking for a young maiden for his son, no doubt!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

EDDIE: [falsetto] The prince? Looking for a bride? Why, sisters, that could be one of us! Imagine living in that big ivory castle, draped in gold and silk! [Chimes play to evoke the feeling of glitter.] And alongside a handsome young prince no less!

POPPY: [sighs dreamily] I can see it now! How picturesque! [Glitter sound] The wedding would be so beautiful! I bet they would throw only the best birdseed money can buy! What a feast!

SALLY: Don’t be so caught up in fantasy, sisters! We’re going against an entire kingdom of beautiful maidens! [said smugly] We’re the most beautiful ones of all, so he’d surely marry one of us – but we can’t simply leave it up to our looks! We need to act! Let’s make use of Prim-rella so we don’t have to dirty our hands.

POPPY: Oh, yes, let’s get her to do all the work ironing our gowns!

EDDIE: [falsetto] Yes, yes! And get her to spruce up the whole house, too, while we’re at it!

SALLY: That’s a wonderful idea! Oh, but take heed to keep quiet about the ball. We don’t need her crying and begging us to come along!

POPPY: [laughing haughtily] Oh, Sister! How delightfully wicked you are! Oh ho ho!

EDDIE: Oh yes! How dastardly! [laughing haughtily] Oh ho ho!

SALLY: Then it’s settled! Prim-rella! Prim-rella? [sternly] Where are you?!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: [wincing in pain, to himself] Jumpin’ katydids, I forgot Sally’s got some pipes on her- [back to the audience] Well y’heard it here, folks! A party’s happening in the kingdom and poor Prim-rella has been ixnayed from the invitations list by her own family! And she doesn’t even know it yet! So she takes on her sister’s work, like she always does, laboring away. Prim-rella does give ‘em a few questions here or there, though…

JULIE: [gasp] Your dress is so big and poofy, Clover! What’s it for?

EDDIE: [bashfully] Aw, thank ya- I mean! Wait, I- [indignantly] I retract my thank yous! I know I look good in this getup! And what its for is none’a your beeswax, Prim-rella!

JULIE: And Honeysuckle! Your hat is looking awfully tall and respectable this evening! What’s it for?

POPPY: Isn’t it, dear?- Or! I mean! [cruelly] Yucky little thing that you are! It isn’t your business! Mum’s the word!

JULIE: But Bluebell, I think the diamonds you wear are most lovely of all! They’re shining brighter than usual! What’re they for?

SALLY: [interrupting Julie] Ah-ah-ah! You’ve asked one too many questions, Prim-rella! Back to the chimney with you! In fact, I want every charcoal briquette in there to be polished as brightly as a diamond by the time we get back from... [stammers and laughs] [flatly] Nowhere. [Equally flat note] Do you understand, sister?

JULIE: Aww, shucks, back to the chimney I go…

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: Poor Primrella went back to the soot and the cinders! Lucky for her, the aforementioned snoopy entrepreneur is on the inside lookin’ out for her!

JULIE: [gasp] They are?

WALLY: Is it me?

HOWDY: No, it ain’t you! It’s me! The sly, clever, and very successful Mr.Fox! [Ding!]

WALLY: Hot dog!

HOWDY: [As Mr. Fox] Prim-rella! Your sisters are takin’ you for a ride!

JULIE: [gasps excitedly] They are?! Ooh, where too!?

HOWDY: To gullible schmoe-ville! Population, you!

JULIE: Oh! [giggles] I’ve never been there!

WALLY: Neither have I…

HOWDY: [distressed] Your dastardly sisters three all got an invitation to the king’s ball! It’s happening tonight! All the kingdom’s maidens are gonna be there, except you!

JULIE: What…? What?! [shouting] WHAT?! But I’m a maiden!

HOWDY: That’s right! And they weren't gonna tell you a darn thing!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: Oh Mr. Fox, I know that’s just not true! My sisters are kind and thoughtful, just like Mother! They’re only looking out for my best interest! I bet they just let it slip their minds! In fact - if I get a dress ready for the big ball all on my own, I know they’d let me come with them! I bet they’d even let me ride with the coachman! [excitedly] Maybe even on one of the horses!

HOWDY: Sounds like a lot of hooey to me, Prim, but... who am I to turn down the opportunity to pitch my new venture! Mouse- get to the curtains!

WALLY: These look more like rags to me…

HOWDY: [As Narrator] Mr. Fox snapped his fingers and the mouse pulled back the sheets to reveal the party dress of Prim-rella’s dreams! Wha-pow!

JULIE: [stammering in glee] Wow! Is that... Oh Mr. Fox, you didn’t!

HOWDY: [As Mr. Fox] I most certainly did, Prim-rella! It’s a gen-u-ine dress of nothing but the best a poor girl’s mucky servant quarters can offer! A potato-sack built for a princess! [A royal-sounding piano plays.] And a bow made of rope on top to add that special little something-something! [Quick harp glide] Bring it home, mouse!

WALLY: Prim-rella, you’re going to go from grime... To glamour!

HOWDY: So?! How do ya like it?!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: Mr. Fox, Mouse, I’ve never been happier! Stains have never looked more stylish! Just wait until my sisters see me now!

HOWDY: [As Narrator] Prim-rella was ecstatic! And who wouldn’t be with an outfit like that?

All ready for the party, she rushed outside to meet her sisters right as they were about to high-tail it out of there! But rather than greeting her with warm welcomes, Prim-rella was met with cold shoulders. [The sound of wind blowing plays for emphasis.]

SALLY: Hmpf! Dressing like the rags used for polishing our shoes, I see!

JULIE: [happily] That’s right! Hand-made, too! By some friendly woodland critters!

EDDIE: [laughs] Oh sister, dear, don’t tell me you’ve stooped so low as to talkin’ to the rodents!

JULIE: They’re not rodents! One… is a mouse! And the other is a successful entrepreneur! He even made me this dress!

POPPY: Don’t bore us with your nonsensical fairytale weaving! This party is not for the rabble like you! [catches herself being too in-character and quickly gets meek] S-So you may not come with us!

JULIE: [tearfully] I can’t come with you...? But I have a fancy dress!

EDDIE: An ugly little thing you pulled out of a bucket, more like! I wouldn’t even let you polish the family soot pile with a raggedy thing like that! [Catches himself being too in-character and quickly becomes apologetic] S-So fancy dress or not, this buggy’s too small for the likes of you! [quietly] ...I-If that’s alright...!

JULIE: But sisters! I’m all ready to go! Won’t you please let me come along? I’ll even hold onto the roof of the carriage if I must!

SALLY: You are not to attend the ball with us and that is final, Prim-rella! Now be-gone! Lest you cover our fine gowns in soots and cinders!

POPPY: [whispering as she passes Julie to go to the buggy] Please don’t take what I say to heart, Julie! Let’s… Let’s enjoy a slice of crumb cake after this...! With extra crumbs...!

EDDIE: [whispering as he passes Julie to go to the buggy] Yeah, I didn’t mean any of that, Julie...! Filthy rags have never looked better...!

SALLY: [whispering sharply] Enough of the guilt-ridden whispering, sisters! [at normal volume] Coachman, To the ball! Hi-yah!

[A whip crack, followed by the sound of galloping as they pull the buggy away.]

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: Just like that, Prim-rella was left behind, forbidden from attending the festivities with her sisters! In a fit of tears, Prim-rella ran to the garden of her home! Unable to do more than cry herself silly…

[JULIE cries in the distance.]

HOWDY
[sniffles pathetically] Almost makes you a little teary-eyed, too, doesn't it, mouse?

WALLY: If you say so…

JULIE: [continues crying]

WALLY: It will be okay, Prim-rella. I still think you look very nice.

JULIE: I do look nice but... [crying] But it doesn’t matter cause there’s no way I can get to the ball now! [resumes crying]

HOWDY: [As Mr. Fox] Don’t give up hope just yet, Prim-rella!

JULIE: [abruptly stops crying] Oh yeah? Whysat?

HOWDY: Because Mr. Fox has the script and he’s read ahead! [As Narrator] It was at this moment, while Prim-rella cried her little eyes out, that a warm glow filled the garden. Then, a flash of light! [Glitter sound] When Prim-rella could see again, she saw none other than her very own spark of hope; Fairy D. Beagle!

[Uproarious applause and whistling.]

BARNABY

I just flew in from an enchanted meadow somewhere, and boy, are my arms tired!

WALLY: Ha ha ha. A classic!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: Holy smokes! Who are you?!

BARNABY

Didn’t ya just hear the storyteller, girly? It’s me! Your very own Fairy D. Beagle! I could smell your despair from a mile away! So I flew down to help ya out with a little bit of my muttley magic. Speakin’ of smells… [sniffs Julie and then reels back, nearly retching] Eugh! Maybe it wasn’t the sadness I was smellin’! Pee-yew, kid! Where’d you get this potato sack from? The trash can? [Rimshot plays.]

HOWDY: [Angrily and defensively] Hey! It was my- it was her first gown! Hand-made, I hear! I bet she was on a budget, too! Cut the kid some slack!

BARNABY

A budget of what? A button and some pocket lint? [A second rimshot plays.] Thank your lucky stars, Prim-a-rino, cause your Fairy D. Beagle is gonna fix what ails you!

HOWDY: Harumph... Fairy D. Beagle rolled up his non-existent sleeves and set to work on gettin’ Prim-rella all dolled up for the shindig!

BARNABY
First let’s talk about makin’ a big entrance! Do ya maybe got a couple’a horses and a carriage I could spruce up?

JULIE: I have… two woodland friends [A xylophone note plays for each item listed.] and the garden’s teensiest gourd that I’ve lovingly shaped into my dream home!

BARNABY

...Gee, you’re spoilin’ me, kid. I guess I can work with that! [Drum roll] Shamzulah! Humdrumzulah! Too Cooluzah!

HOWDY: With the flick of his wrist, [Drum roll ends.] [Glitter sound] Barnaby turned that measly vegetable into a stage coach fit for a princess! And turned her two woodland friends into her noble companions! One, a roguish, handsome, and upstandin’ coachman! [Royal horn] ...And the other a horse.

WALLY: [Off-note royal horn.] Neigh, I am a stallion. [Small rimshot.]

BARNABY

Good one, kid!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: Wowee! It’s a coach fit for a princess! ...But Fairy D. Beagle… What about me?

BARNABY

What, you didn’t wanna go in the garbage dress? [Rimshot.] I’m jokin’ girly! I’m pullin’ your leg! I’m thinkin’ big, kid - huge! [Horn toot] Fairy D. Beagle doesn’t do little wishes! So… [Drum roll] Shamzulah! Dressulah! On Youlah! [Drum roll ends.]

HOWDY: Prim-rella’s subjectively beautiful dress turned into a drop-dead, show-stopping, head-turning gown made’a pure magic! [Glitter sound] She even had the most beautiful pair of Mary Janes you've ever seen! [Hopeful melody plays.]

JULIE: [gasp] Jewel Mary Janes…

BARNABY

Diamonds, kid! A princess cut for a princess! Diamonds cost a pretty penny too, so don’t go losin’ it unless ya gotta help a face-blind prince find his way! But enough yappin’! You’re gonna be late to the party, Prim-a-roni!

JULIE: [smaller gasp] Oh, my goodness, you’re right! [loud and assertive] Let’s hit the road, boys!

WALLY

Consider this road hit!

BARNABY

Woah! Hold your horses there!

WALLY: Consider this horse held!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

BARNABY

I got one more thing to tell ya! Prim-rella, you gotta be back here by the time the clock tower starts to chime, capiche? [A clock chime plays.] Or else your enchanting evening is gonna turn into a pauper’s paradise. [The clock ticks as he speaks.]

JULIE: Of course! Oh thank you, Fairy D. Beagle, thank you ever so much! Goodbye!

BARNABY

Anytime, girly!

WALLY: Let’s shake a leg… Hm. I don’t know how to get to the castle from here -

HOWDY: [As Mr. Fox] Enough of the jibber jabber! Horse! Prim-rella’s gotta get to that castle! Pronto! Even if it means carrying this dolled up jalopy myself! [He chucks Wally into the coachman’s seat] Or else a certain rotten sister of hers is gonna fire me from future narrating roles! Prim-rella! To the ball! Hi-yah!! [Howdy slaps himself on the behind and starts racing away.]

HOWDY: [As Narrator] Prim-rella was off to her night out on the town, up to the castle high above the kingdom, and to unknowingly meet the prince of her dreams!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: The Prince, though, wasn't too keen on doin’ all this borin’ princess stuff.

FRANK

Father, must I really find my bride at this ball you’ve thrown? I don’t feel it necessary to be involved with a young maiden true!

SALLY: [As king][lower pitch] Oh you’ll find a young maiden true tonight, alright! I am not long for this world, my boy! I need you to carry out my will... as a favor to your kingdom... and as a fulfilled parting wish to this land’s beloved king!

FRANK

Father, this kingdom is fine, and you’re not parting! You’re perfectly well and good! I’ve seen you doing cartwheels in the courtyard after you came up with the idea to have me betrothed!

SALLY: [angrily] Oh, Poppycock! And- and horse radish! I was being stung by a bee and acted accordingly! Stop being ridiculous, my son! Go out there and mingle with the gentry and nobility!

FRANK

[sigh] As you wish…

[The page turn jingle plays.]

[Discontented music begins to play.]

HOWDY: The Prince would spend nearly the entire night mingling with maidens left and right. He wasn’t impressed by any of them, though - not that they knew! If anything, all the maidens here thought they were the bell of the ball!

EDDIE: [falsetto] Did you see how he looked at me out of the corner of his eyes? It’s so obvious he’s smitten with me!

POPPY: Oh, no, no, did you see the way he brushed past me? I believe he’s quite enamored with me!

SALLY: [As Sister] Stop bickering amongst yourselves! This is no way for ladies to act! Besides... We all know he’s enraptured with my mysterious aura... He’s just too timid to approach me.

EDDIE: Only in your wildest fantasies, sister dear! I think he much prefers clovers!

POPPY: Nonsense! He’s always had a soft spot for honeysuckles, especially if they’re orange!

SALLY: You both sound ridiculous! I shan’t give these thoughts the time of day! ...Except to acknowledge that they’re both wrong!

[Sally, Poppy and Eddie begin arguing.]

HOWDY: As the sisters quarreled amongst themselves, the prince snuck outta the party and made his way to the castle garden to get some time to himself. However, It wouldn't take long before he realized he wasn’t alone. Prim-rella stood there amongst the flowers, big hair and all!

[The music becomes romantic.]

FRANK

You there! What are you doing so far away from the ball?

JULIE: Who? Me? I was just admiring this castle’s big garden! It was calling to me…

FRANK

Dear princess, please pardon me for encroaching on your exploration of the garden - I saw you standing amongst the flowers and found myself drawn to you.

JULIE: [gasp] To lil’ ol’ me?

FRANK

Yes. This feeling... It’s indescribable…

JULIE: Won’t you describe it for me anyways?

FRANK

Yes... Yes, of course. I... I feel- [Audio recording suddenly warps. Frank’s voice drops several pitches.] I feel like I’m bound to be.

[Audio skips.]

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: Wasn’t that just romantic, Horse? Hand me the tissues, I’m cryin’ again! [sniffling]

WALLY: There, there.

HOWDY: Oh, shucks! [shuffling papers] I forgot about the rest’a the story! Right then and there, the clock tower in the garden began to chime out loudly into the dark! [The clock begins to chime.] Lettin’ everybody- and I mean everybody!- know they had to be home before a certain magic curfew! [calling up to Julie] So move it or lose it, Prim-rella! We gotta skedaddle before you turn into a pile’a potato sacks!

JULIE: [gasp] Aw, rats! It’s already time for me to get out of here!

FRANK

Get out of here-!? But princess, where are you going!?

JULIE: [babbling as she shushes him] There’s a charcoal briquette with my name on it, handsome, so I have to run home and polish all of them before my sisters give me a talking to! But it was really nice meeting you! It’s too bad we both missed out on meeting the Prince! [Shouts] See ya later, hot stuff! [She makes the gesture as if slapping her own behind to make herself go faster.] Let’s hit the road, boys! Hi-yah!

FRANK

But princess! I’m the…! [sighs dejectedly]

HOWDY: Before the Prince could even explain himself to her, Prim-rella ran to the stairs and went running for the exit! [Julie runs, then slips with a slide whistle sound, squeaking as she hits each step of the staircase] ...Then she went tumbling down to the exit! Running in heels is no joke!

JULIE: [in the distance] My leg!

HOWDY: In the rush to get out, [hopeful music cue] one of her diamond Mary Janes flew off her paw and onto one of the staircase steps! Prim-rella flew into her carriage just in time and descended into the night with her two noble-ish steeds. [galloping that fades as the buggy rides away] The Prince picked up the shoe, and in that moment, made a vow.

FRANK

With the skies above as my witness, I shall find the princess that fits this diamond Mary Jane, and take her as my bride!

SALLY: [As King] [running in as if rushing out of costume] Huzzah! To ensure the haste of my son’s wedding, I, too, decree that all the women within the kingdom be made to try on this diamond Mary Jane! Regardless of status and stature!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

HOWDY: With that, the search was on for the whereabouts of the mysterious princess that fit that very diamond Mary Jane! From house to house the Prince and his noblemen went, looking for the princess of the Prince’s fantasy! Too bad for us that the very same princess was stuck back at home doin’ chores again! [As Mr. Fox, tearfully] All that hard work and magic for nothing, Prim! I didn’t even get to keep the outfit! Boohoohoo!

JULIE: Oh, don’t cry, Mr. Fox! I know we’re back to shining charcoal briquettes, but who would believe that lil’ ol’ Prim-rella was a princess? All I have left of that night are my daydreams…

WALLY: Oooh... I don’t think you will have to worry anymore, Prim-rella. I see the Prince coming out of a big fancy carriage and up to our door step right now!

JULIE: [frantically] Oh, no, no- I’m covered in cinders and soot! I don’t look ready! I’m-!

HOWDY: You could be covered in grime and grease, Prim-rella! It ain’t the dress that makes the princess, it’s the attitude! Now, go get ‘em! In fact, put on the potato sack dress! [A royal horn plays.] It’ll fill ya with confidence!

JULIE: Oh! You’re right! Thank you, woodland friends! Here I go!

HOWDY: [As Narrator] But Prim-rella wouldn’t be the only one trying to convince the Prince she was the one he danced with that night. Those rotten sisters of hers were trying on the shoe for themselves! But as luck would have it, it didn’t fit any of ‘em!

POPPY: O-Oh! Well, you see, I must have stubbed my whole foot on a boulder when I was coming home last night! That explains why it doesn’t fit!

EDDIE: [falsetto] Y-Yeah! Me, too! In fact, I probably fell down two flights of stairs and hit a wall and that’s why it doesn’t fit me either! Boy, I tell ya, that was some party!

SALLY: Well, it’s obvious what the problem is, isn’t it? The shoe must have shrunk on the way here! Or perhaps the clasp was put on wrong! Or-!

FRANK

The only obvious thing here is that you three are not the princess I danced with the night prior! [A steam engine horn toots.]

[The page turn jingle plays.]

JULIE: [Drum roll] That’s because it ‘twas I who danced with you!

HOWDY: That’s right it was! [Drum roll ends in fanfare.] With her newfound courage and show-stopping gown, Prim-rella stood up to her dastardly sisters right then and there, and revealed herself as the mysterious princess from that very night. Her sisters were aghast at the display, but continued to mock her all the same.

POPPY: Poppycock! [A single flute note.]

EDDIE: Horseraddish! [A lower flute note.]

SALLY: Precisely, dear sisters! prince, there is no possible way that our wenchly sister could ever have been the princess you saw! Look at her haggard, potato-sack wearing, cinder-covered self! [Each insult is accompanied by a progressively sadder flute note.]

FRANK

[sternly] Potato-sacks and cinder-stains matter not to I, madam! I stand by my vow! Miss - will you, please?

JULIE: [squeals excitedly] You bet your bottom I will!

FRANK

My… My bottom what?

HOWDY: The Prince kneeled before Prim-rella and slid the diamond Mary Jane onto her paw with no problem at all. [A hopeful melody plays.] The sisters were flabbergasted!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

POPPY: What?! But how is that possible?! This is an outrage!

EDDIE: [falsetto] There just ain’t no way! This is a travesty!

SALLY: Sisters, please! We must not get hysterical! We’re beautiful, elegant, and poised! This is a mistake!

WALLY: No, for this is love. Squeak, squeak.

POPPY: [stammering] ... Is that a mouse?! Eek!

WALLY: Yes. I finished polishing the charcoal briquettes, and now they shine like diamonds.

EDDIE: [falsetto] Eek! Someone get it away from us!

SALLY: Anything but a mouse! Eek! Oh, sisters, I’m feeling faint!

HOWDY: After the shocking reveal of their sister as the mysterious princess, the mouse was just too much to bear for these rotten sisters three! So much so in fact that all of ‘em unceremoniously fainted in response, [slide whistle noise] never to be awoken again! [Cymbal crash.] Huzzah!

JULIE: Good gravy!

FRANK

Gravy aside, miss, I now know it was you who was the princess I danced with that night. Please, may I have your name?

JULIE: Oh- [giggles] You bet! It’s Prim-rella!

[The page turn jingle plays.]

FRANK

Are - are you sure it’s not something else? Maybe... Maybe like Primrose? Remember?

JULIE: Nope! I’m all in on the soot! Prim-rella it is!

SALLY: [under her breath] My writing... My eloquence… [sighs] Foiled again…

FRANK

W-Well then, Prim-rella! Please, I beg for your hand in marriage! Live with me in the castle as my princess!

JULIE: Could the woodland critters come, too? I have two of ‘em! One is an entrepreneur!

FRANK

Oh- uhm- Sure! Why not? The more the merrier!

JULIE: Then it’s a yes!

FRANK, WALLY & HOWDY: Huzzah! [Fanfare plays.]

HOWDY: Well, there ya have it folks! Prim-rella, through bein’ kind, tenacious, and full of hope, bagged herself a prince and moved to the castle! [Wedding bells play before quickly fading out.] The Prince and her had a beautiful wedding and everything! Most important of all, Mr. Fox and the resident mouse were livin’ in the lap of luxury, draped in gold and silk! [Glitter sound]

WALLY: Oh! But, Mr. Fox, what about Prim-rella and the Prince?

HOWDY: That’s easy! They lived happily ever after!

WALLY: [flatly] Thank goodness.

[Outro melody plays.]

[Audio ends.]

[Lighthearted Intro Music Play]

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo Storyteller! [sound of something scurrying in the background] You can read along with me in your own book! When you hear this sound [A flute plays three notes] it will be time to turn the page! A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record.

Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page.

“Frank’s Favorite Chair” by [Distorted Coughing followed by corrupted sound of the ‘turn the page’ sound]

STORYTELLER: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. Who better to enjoy this beautiful day with than the resident bug enthusiast himself, Frank Frankly! In fact, there he is now, admiring the local bugs of the neighborhood [short flute flourish]Say, Frank, mind if we join in?

FRANK: Hmm- Oh, Hello, you! Yes, of course you may! Look here, aren’t they lovely? [Flute Sounds]

STORYTELLER: It’s quite a sight! What would you call it?

FRANK: You know, I’m not sure I’m able to say! A butterfly seems so informal of a title… Everything has a name after all.

BARNABY: Did somebody say they was looking for names? [Clown Horn Honks] I’ve always been partial to Barnaby myself…

STORYTELLER: If it isn’t Barnaby B. Beagle! Coming over to have his usual fun with Frank, no doubt! [Silly Sound Effect] Hello, Barnaby.

BARNABY: Hey there, pal-ly!

FRANK: [Begrudgingly said. Cold tone.]

Hello, Barnaby. What brings you here today? Getting into trouble, I assume. [Toot-toot Noise]

BARNABY: Come on, Frank, you act like I’m up to no good! When I’m just stopping to smell the flowers-!

[Said with false praise]

Your sunflowers are looking extra sunny today by the way.

FRANK: How kind of you to notice.

BARNABY: [Said with false praise]

And your favorite chair is lookin’ awfully awful, might I add.

FRANK: [Deadpan] How kind of you to- [Realizes what is said and gets angry]What!? Awful!? My chair is just fine!

BARNABY: Oh yeah?

[Turn the Page Noise]

STORYTELLER: Barnaby was right.

FRANK: Hey!

STORYTELLER: Frank’s favorite chair was a homely little stool. [Tuba Sound]

It didn’t have paint, so it wasn’t colorful. [Another Tuba Sound]

It didn’t have a cushion, so it wasn’t very comfortable. [Deeper Tuba Sound]It’s little legs would wobble from time to time,[Even Deeper Tuba Sound] and it creaked loudly whenever Frank would sit on it.

FRANK: Harumph! None of that bothers me one bit! You two are wrong! Frankly speaking, it’s a lovely chair that fits me just Fi-iiIINE![Chair creaks before sound of chair breaking]

[Frank yelps as the stool breaks underneath him]

STORYTELLER: Frank cried out in surprise! When he leaned a little too far back in his chair, it broke apart underneath him and Frank fell to the ground!

BARNABY: Woof!

[Turn the Page Sound]

JULIE: I heard the tomatoes screaming! What happened-!?

STORYTELLER: Julie cried. When she peaked over the white picket fence, she saw Frank on the ground, and Frank’s favorite chair-

JULIE: [Julie gasps]Oh no! Frank’s Favorite chair, broken into smithereens?! No, no! Say it ain’t so!![Julie continues to wail in the background]

BARNABY: I’m afraid it’s so, Jules… [Barnaby sniffles as if shedding a tear and removes his hat]Let’s have a moment of silence for the most mediocre-iest chair in the neighborhood…

[A sad wobbly trumpet plays “Taps”]

FRANK: [Sadly said] Mediocre?[Said angrily]My chair is perfectly fine! [Pause. His voice gets somber. Then accusatory]Or… it was perfect… Until YOU showed up!You…!YOU![Frank makes a sound of rage as if he’s going to strangle Barnaby]

BARNABY: Woah, hey, woah! [Small Train Toot-Toot Sound]Instead of putting this lovable pooch in the dog house, why don’tcha let me help you out instead?

FRANK: I think you’ve helped enough, Barnaby! Just look at it!

STORYTELLER: They all looked down at the broken chair.[Sad Tuba Note]

BARNABY: Oh Frank! Ol’ buddy ol’ pal ol’ friend-o-mine! Can’t you see? This is a blessing in disguise! Now that your chair’s been smashed into smithereens, why not take somethin’ else for a spin?

FRANK: [Clearly irritated] I don’t WANT to do that because I like MY chair!

JULIE: Yeah! Frank likes his chair! [She then starts thinking aloud]

Even if it has no paint…{Flute Sound] Or even a cute little cushion…[Lower Flute Sound] And always gives him splinters…[Lower Flute Sound] Hmm…

FRANK: [Helplessly said]No! Julie, don’t hmm!

JULIE: But Frank! Maybe it’s time you get a new chair!

Think of the possibilities! You could get a tall chair, a short chair, a fluffy chair-

FRANK: [Said sadly] Juliieee!

BARNABY: A stinky chair, a funny chair, a noisy chair-

FRANK: [Said angrily] Barnaby! [Grumbles loudly] That’s it! I won’t be taking part in any of this! I’m going home!

JULIE: Barnaby, we can’t talk any sense into him! Sic ‘em!

BARNABY: Say no more!HYUGH! [He makes a grabbing sound]

STORYTELLER: Barnaby picked Frank up off the ground and set their plan into motion!

FRANK: [Infuriated] Plan!? What plan?! Oh no you won’t! Barnaby, put me down!! I’m not going anywhere! Let go of my head!!

BARNABY: Don’t worry, Frank, we’re gonna find you the chair of your dreams!

JULIE: Ooo la la!

FRANK: [complaining and ranting and raving in the background]

Please Julie! Agggggh!!!

[Page Turn Sound]

STORYTELLER: With a spring in their step, the three neighbors headed into the neighborhood to find Frank a brand new favorite chair. The first stop they made was at Poppy Partridge’s barn. Luckily for them, the famous Sally Starlet was there too!

SALLY: In all my dazzling rays, darling![Angelic Chimes Play]

STORYTELLER: Maybe these two could help with Frank’s predicament!

POPPY: [Fearfully]Predicament?! Oh my, where?!

BARNABY: Don’t get all your feathers in a ruffle, Poppy! We’re just here lookin’ for a new chair for Frank! Go on Frank, tell ‘em.

FRANK: [Firmly said. Bluntly said] No. I am taking no part in this.

POPPY: Oh Frank, don’t tell me your favorite chair has…

JULIE: That’s right, Poppy! Into smithereens!

STORYTELLER: Both Poppy and Sally thought about Frank’s favorite chair and all of the good times they all once shared with it.

FRANK: [muttering to himself] Favorite chair? How do they know about that…?

SALLY: Ah yes, [Sad Piano Music Plays] I recall Franklin’s favorite Chair… A humble and reliable little stool… An underdog waiting for the limelight! How tragic, Franklin! It was always one of my star performers…

POPPY: [Sad Piano Continues] And I was quite fond of their company at parties… A glass of juice would never teeter on it… Well… Maybe just a bit of teetering… But I didn’t mind!

FRANK[Muttering sarcastically to himself]Oh how will the neighborhood move on?

[Discordant Piano Chord]

BARNABY: So whaddya say, ladies? Could we get some help for the poor and the chairless?

SALLY: Hmm… Perhaps we have something befitting your character, Franklin. Come in, you three.

FRANK: [To Sally]That’s not my name-

SALLY: I know!

FRANK: [Whispering to Julie] And this wasn’t my plan!

JULIE: The plan was getting you a new chair, Frank! So get ready for the seat of your career! [Confetti and Trumpet Sound]

FRANK: [Miserably said]

Oh Julie!

[Turn the Page Sound]

STORYTELLER: Sally offered up her very own director’s chair; A seat fit for the head of any production!

SALLY: That’s right- Not everyone can handle the responsibilities demanded of this chair, but I’ll allow you the seat just this once! [Dramatically said] I would do anything to help your cause, Franklin!

FRANK: [Grumpily said.]How kind of you, Sally.

STORYTELLER: When Frank went to have a seat, he found himself feeling a bit out of place. It was a fine chair for a director, but Frank was no director. He’d never want to tell his tomatoes how to grow, or command a butterfly on how it should flap its wings. [Flute Flourish]

FRANK: Precisely!

SALLY: How unfortunate… But we shan’t give up! Poppy, darling, what say you?

POPPY: o-Oh! Me! Well- Why not something a bit more comfortable? Something nice and safe! Something close to the ground?

STORYTELLER: Poppy’s chair was far different than Sally’s! A large cushion lovingly sewn together square by square. It was a perfect place for any cautionary knitter who was fearful they might fall from their seat!

POPPY: That’s right! Go on, Frank, I insist! Give it a go!

FRANK: It’s… Oop! [Poomf Sound]

STORYTELLER: Frank fell back into Poppy’s chair. It wasn’t long before he began to sink into the cushion… Deeper… and deeper… oh dear..and deeper…

FRANK: [muffled by fabric]This is certainly nothing like my chair…!

POPPY: [Delightfully said]Isn’t it absolutely cozy?

FRANK: [muffled]I’ll say! It might be a little too cozy…!

STORYTELLER: So cozy that it made it difficult to do anything else. A neighbor couldn’t even sit up straight in a chair like this.

FRANK: [Frank escaping from chair] To be frank… Yes! Thank you, Poppy, but I- Oh- [Frank struggles to get up but it’s to no avail. muffled by fabric]I think I’ll have to pass! …Someone, get me out of here, please!

BARNABY: You got it, buggy-boy! Patooey! Patooey! [Sounds as if he is spitting into his hands.]

STORYTELLER: Barnaby spat into his hands and rubbed them together, getting ready to pull Frank out.

FRANK: [Frank sees Barnaby spit into his hands and gasps, struggling to get out. Muffled.] JULIE! Julie, get me out!!

JULIE: You got it, buggy-boy! Patooey! Patooey! [Sounds as if she is spitting into his hands.]

STORYTELLER: Julie spat into her hands and rubbed them together, getting ready to pull Frank out.

FRANK: [Frank sees Julie spit into her hands and cries out in fear. Muffled.] No!!

Barnaby and JULIE: HEAVE HO! HEAVE HOOO!

[The sound of Julie and Barnaby trying to tug Frank out of the seat could be heard before Frank is sent flying out.]

FRANK: AH!

STORYTELLER: After Barnaby and Julie yanked Frank out of the cozy cushion, Sally and Poppy bid the three a fond farewell and the best of luck on their search for Frank’s new favorite chair.The next place they wandered to was the Post Office run by Home’s local post man, Eddie Dear! He was sitting outside, admiring the nearly sprung springtime. [Flute Sounds]

EDDIE: Oh! Hello there you three! Beautiful day out here, ain’t it?

JULIE: Sure is! But what’re you doing out here, Eddie?

BARNABY: Yeah! Aren’t your staplers and paperclips gettin’ all lonely without ya, Ed?

EDDIE: (Whispered)Don’t go talkin’ like that, Mr. Beagle, I’d never let ‘em be alone for that long.[Returned to normal tone]I’ve been meaning to get some sunshine since springtime has sprung! I thought it was the perfect weather to enjoy my stamp collection!

JULIE: Gasp! Oooh, is that the commemorative Joyful family stamp I see?!

EDDIE: It sure is!

BARNABY: And is that the commemorative Barnaby B. Beagle stamp I smee?

EDDIE: It sure is-! Huh? Erm… No wait, that’s just a stamp of a hot dog, Mr. Beagle. [Horn Toot]

BARNABY: Close enough!

FRANK: [Huffs irritably] As much as I hate to intrude on a good time!

BARNABY: Or so’s he says…

FRANK: I BELIEVE we were in the middle of something!

STORYTELLER: Frank exclaimed and he was right! Barnaby set back to work and took it upon himself to look for the next seat in Eddie Dear’s Post Office.

BARNABY: You heard the big guy upstairs- Duty calls! Mind if I sniff around, Ed? Y’know what? Who am I foolin’! A course you don’t![Barnaby gives Eddie a hardy pat on the back, nearly jostling Eddie off his seat.]

EDDIE: [Slightly befuddled]Oh- Buh- Well I uh- Yeah, of course! [Said to Frank.]If it’s a chair you’re lookin’ for, Mr. Frankly, I got plenty to spare! Although- I think I remember you havin’ a stool of your own…

FRANK: [Blunt and angry, said through his teeth] Yes, it broke.

JULIE: [Woefully]Into smithereens!

BARNABY: [From inside the Post Office.] Into smitheroons even!

EDDIE: Oh Mr. Frankly, say it ain’t so! Not your favorite chair! That’s so sad… [Sniffs miserably] I was there when it graduated from being a tree to bein’ a chair…

[Turn Page Noise]

[Bell Rings]

BARNABY: Tighten the faucet on the water works, Eddie-boy, cause I found us a solution!

EDDIE: [Sniffs and wipes a tear from his eye]Well, that’s real swell to hear, Barn...

STORYTELLER: Barnaby returned from inside the post office with an armful of office chairs! Nearly every single one in the post office, in fact! Eddie was speechless, but not for too long!

EDDIE: What!? Barnaby- Mr. Beagle- Pardon my un-customer service-like tone- But you cannot take all my chairs! And- Is that my favorite chair?! H-How’s Mr.Frankly supposed to use all these anyways?!FRANK: [Deadpan]I’m sure Barnaby’s found a way.BARNABY: I knew you had faith in me, Frank! Take a gander at what this old circus dog can do!

STORYTELLER: With the ease of a professional circus clown,[Inspirational Circus Music Plays] Barnaby began juggling the chairs into the air one by one! Then he threw a chair on the ground, then a chair on top of that, and a chair on top of that! It wasn’t long before there was a tower of chairs reaching up towards the sky.

[Julie and Eddie look up in awe and clap.]

EDDIE: [In awe]Oooh!

JULIE: [In awe]Oooh!

FRANK: And how exactly is juggling going to get me a new chair, Barnaby?!

BARNABY: Ah ah! You’re spoilin’ the show, Frank! Cause now it’s time for the pièce de résistance! [Said casually] Alright Julie, toss ‘em in!

JULIE: Ooh, yay! C’mere, Frank!

FRANK: What!? Julie! No! Nooo!!

[Drumroll]

STORYTELLER: Julie grabbed a hold of Frank and quickly tossed him to Barnaby,

JULIE: Hyaaaah!!!

STORYTELLER: -who juggled Frank up into the air and onto the highest chair of the tower.

FRANK: [From up top. Panicked screaming.] Aaah! Aaaah!

[Page Turn Noise]

EDDIE: [Clapping]What a show!

BARNABY: T’wain’t nothin’ for me, Ed. I’ve stacked hoagies bigger than this. [Casually said] Julie wasn't half-bad neither!

JULIE: [Bowing]Thank you, thank you! It was like throwin’ a big olive on top!

BARNABY: Speakin’ of olives-[Calling up to Frank] Frankfurter!! How’s the weather up there!?

STORYTELLER: The weather was nice! Blue skies and warm sunshine without a single complaint!

FRANK: I have a complaint!

STORYTELLER: Oh- Frank was just too far up! How could one sit pleasantly still when their seat was uncomfortably wobbly? [wobble sound] His shoes couldn’t even touch the ground!

FRANK: That’s right! So get me down from here!

BARNABY: Are you two hearin’ this? No respect for the arts! [Casually said] Alright Julie, go get ‘em.

JULIE: Can do! [Calling up to Frank]You hear that, Frank!? I’m coming! [Julie begins crawling up the stack of chairs to retrieve Frank.]

STORYTELLER: Julie began to crawl up the tower of chairs to help Frank get down.

FRANK: [Uneasily said]Careful, Julie! Careful!

BARNABY: Well, Ed, It was a good effort on all our parts but no-dice! Thanks for tryin’ though- [Eddie Tries to Interject] Say, you mind bein’ a pal and cleanin’ this up? What am I sayin’?! A’course you don’t!

EDDIE: [Said quickly and helplessly as he’s abandoned] But I- There’s- I- Well I uhm- Now hold on there-!

BARNABY: Jules, Frankfurter, let’s scramoose!

JULIE: Scramoosing, Barnaby! Bye Eddie!

FRANK: Julie, where are we?! I’m not opening my eyes!

EDDIE: …Happy to be of service…![Sighs as he looks at his tower. Said to himself]…Well, it was a might impressive…

[Turn the Page Noise]

STORYTELLER: Once again, the three neighbors set off in search of Frank’s new favorite chair. Frank began thinking… Could they really find something to replace his stool that had broken into smithereens?

BARNABY: All this talk of smitheroons has got me parched! Why don’t we wet our whistles with a couple’a smithereens at Howdy’s Place?

JULIE: [Gasp!] Ooh, I love smithereens!

FRANK: [At his wits end.]Yes. Yes! Yes, why not!? Why not have a whole bowl of smithereens! Why not two?! Why not for everyone in the neighborhood?!

BARNABY: [Whispering loudly to Julie]Sounds like somebody’s getting cranky without his smithereens!

JULIE: [Whispering loudly back to Barnaby]We better get him there fast!

STORYTELLER: Both of them took Frank right into Howdy’s Place; the home of everything you need and everything you don’t! Catchy as always, isn’t it Howdy?

HOWDY: You better believe it, buster! And Howdy-do, you neighbors two-! Or uh- Neighbors three! Sorry there, Frank, I didn’t see ya. You’re lookin’ awfully slumped and snuffy today!

BARNABY: That’s right! Ol’ Frankfurter broke his favorite chair into smithereens!

HOWDY: To smithereens, you say? And Frank’s favorite chair to boot?! Oh the bugmanity!

JULIE: That’s right, Howdy! Now we’re looking for a new one to replace it! But we’ve been looking all over the neighborhood!

HOWDY: No luck?

JULIE: Not even a four leaf clover in sight!

HOWDY: Golly! Well, you came to the right place!

FRANK: Oh no-

HOWDY: Ya know something else? Good riddance, Frank! It was about time you got rid of that old chair! Now you can get a brand new chair! [Tuba Sound] Then in good time it’ll become an old chair! [Higher Tuba Sound] Then you'll come back to your ol’ pal Howdy Pillar, [Higher Tuba Sound] and I’ll get you a brand new-new chair! [Flute Flourish]

[Turn the Page Noise]

FRANK: I don’t know about that, Howdy…

HOWDY: There’s nothin’ to know, Frank! Because Howdy Pillar knows the don’t-knows that’s givin’ you the woes! Feast your eyes on this!

STORYTELLER: Howdy turned Frank’s head and gave it a spin [small squeaking sounds] in the direction of the nicest chair this side of the neighborhood. A high-class, [Oooh! Sound effect] beautiful, bright red lounge chair with gold trim and an emerald handle! [Aaaah! Sound Effect]

HOWDY: And a cupholder! Don’t forget the cupholder! She’s even got reclining functionality! Go on, Frank, have a seat! On the house!

(Frank is pushed into the chair, and he awkwardly attempts to sit in it.)

FRANK: Ah..mmm.

STORYTELLER: Frank sat in the chair and admired all it had to offer. [Frank Sighs] The red cushioned seats were perfectly plush, the gold trim was undeniably fancy, and the emerald recliner handle shined. [Sparkle Sound Effects]

JULIE: [Gasps!]Oh my blossoms, Frank! She’s the most luxurious chair in the whole wide neighborhood!

FRANK: But its not-

STORYTELLER: Julie was right. It was the most luxurious chair in the neighborhood!

FRANK: [Anger] But it’s not my chair! [Somber]It’s not… me![Frank forces himself out of the chair. Restrained anger)Julie! [Flute Noise] Barnaby![Horn Noise] Howdy![Tuba Noise]It was all very nice [Angry Toot Noise] of you to replace my chair! But I need to go home- Right now!(Frank lets out a noise of frustration and storms out.)

[Sound of footsteps followed by door bell jingling]

HOWDY: Now who am I gonna sell my high-class, beautiful, bright red lounge chair with gold trim and an emerald handle with a reclining function and a cup holder to?

STORYTELLER: Julie quickly perched upon it, smiling sweetly.

JULIE: I’ll take it! [Glow Chime Sound Effect] Wrap it up nice for me won’t you Howdy? (Commandingly said.)Barnaby, pay the caterpillar!

HOWDY: Yeah, Barn, pay the caterpillar!

BARNABY: Alright, alright- Hold onto your antennas. So’s I walk into a bar. The bartender says he’ll buy me a drink if I juggle a few bottles for ‘em. When I tells him no, he says, ‘What’re ya? Chicken?’ and I tells him, ‘No, you’re thinkin’ of my mother!’

HOWDY: Your mother?

BARNABY: Yep, she’s the chicken that crossed the road!

HOWDY: To get to the other side?

BARNABY: Nah, to go to the bar!

[‘Badum-Tish’ Drum Sound]

HOWDY: (Realizes the punch line mid-speech)Oh? Oh!(Howdy laughs uproariously.)

[Turn the Page Noise]

STORYTELLER: While Barnaby paid the tab for Julie’s luxurious new chair, Frank sadly returned to where his favorite chair once stood. He couldn’t sit on it, of course, so he found himself a seat on Home’s stoop instead.

FRANK: Oh Home… It was just awful… I broke my favorite chair and Julie and Barnaby rushed me around town to find me a replacement.

HOME

(Home creaks understandingly.)

FRANK: I know they mean well but… (Huffs angrilY)Ooh! They wouldn’t listen to me. No one else seemed to either!

HOME: (Home creaks like it is asking a question.)

FRANK: (Angry then progressively sadder.)There was nothing wrong with my chair! I… I know it wasn’t painted as pretty as the rest of the neighborhood… it wasn’t the most comfortable… It wobbled a bit of course…And it creaked whenever I would sit on it…But it was mine. (PAUSE)I built it. (PAUSE. Frank sighs.)But, [Corrupted Sound Effects in the Background] I don’t know what to do now. [Sound Corruption Continues]

HOME: [Corrupted] (Home creaks reassuringly. The creaks quicken, as if to offer a pep talk.)

FRANK: [Corrupted] You… You’re right![Returns to normal] …I did build that chair myself! So I can rebuild it! The way I like it! [Thump Noise](Said quickly as if his thoughts are stumbling over one another)Oh my goodness, where do I start- I have to get supplies, I need glue, wood- I have to go! Thank you, Home! Thank you!

[Door Creaking Sound]

[Page Turn Noise]

STORYTELLER: Frank ran back to his home, gathered up the pieces to his old chair, and began to rebuild it just the way he liked it! With a few more planks of wood, [Clown Horn Honk] a new coat of paint,[Silly Sound] and a bit of some leftover scraps from Poppy’s home, Frank [Clown Horn Honk] had rebuilt his chair better than ever before!(PAUSE)Frank took a seat[creaking noise] and smiled.(PAUSE)Then Julie appeared! Barnaby too by the looks of it! He was helping Julie bring the big, beautiful red chair to her home.

JULIE: Frank!!! Frank, there you are!

FRANK: Hello, Julie. Looks like you took a liking to that chair more than me.

JULIE: I couldn’t help it, Frank! It was speaking to me- It said ‘buy me, Julie! Buy meeeee!’

BARNABY: (Grunting as he’s pushing the chair to her house)Did the chair say, “Push me, Barnaby, push me!” Cause if it didn’t, why am I luggin’ it home?

JULIE: Because we wanted to say we were sorry to Frank! And… Oh! Well gee, my house is right there!

STORYTELLER: Indeed it was!

BARNABY: Aw phooey to the both of yous!

JULIE: Don’t listen to him, Frank, he’s just sour! But I wanted to tell you that we’re sorry we didn’t listen to you

[Turn the Page]

JULIE: and that we’re sorry we didn’t find you a new favorite chair.

BARNABY: Whaddya mean, Jules? Look at him! Ol’ Frankfurter found his dream chair, just like we planned it!

FRANK: I made it myself, thank you. But… I accept both of your apologies.

[Turn the Page Noise]

STORYTELLER: With the busy day behind them, Barnaby, Frank, and Julie all had a seat and finally took a moment to enjoy springtime.

BARNABY: (Inhales, exhales.)

FRANK: (Inhales, exhales.)

JULIE: (Inhales, exhales.)

STORYTELLER: (Inhales, exhales.)

BARNABY: Huh… That chair ain’t half-bad, Frank. Got room for one more?

FRANK: No!

[Lighthearted Outtro Music Plays]

END

(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo Storyteller! You can read along with me in your own book! When you hear this sound (MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.) it will be time to turn the page!

STORYTELLER: A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record. Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page. “Mail-in-Times Day” by (RECORD SCRATCH SOUND).

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. But today seems like it's even lovelier than usual! Everyone else seems to be in high spirits, too! It’s all so nice, I don’t think I can see a single frown in this whole entire…! (Said with concern.) Wait a minute. …There’s someone in the Post Office, all alone and sadder than I’ve ever seen him. Eddie Dear, what are you doing here all by yourself?

EDDIE: (Trying to correct his sad behavior and put on a smile.) O-Oh! I didn’t see y’all there! I’m workin’ like I usually am! See? I ain’t never been happier…!

STORYTELLER: Are you sure there isn’t something the matter?

EDDIE: (Sadly said.) …Well, I suppose I am a little under the weather… I ain’t got any mail to deliver…

STORYTELLER: Really? Not a single parcel or package?

EDDIE: Not even a letter! An’ what good’s a mailman without mail? Shoot… This is my third day in this Post Office without anyone comin’ in! I’ve been spendin’ all my time organizin’ and reorganizin’ my paperclip collection!

STORYTELLER: By size?

EDDIE: By color! See here? This one’s more of a silvery-grey, and this one over here is more of a grey-silver! But this one’s more of a Mr. Frankly-grey-silver! And this one’s-

STORYTELLER: (Getting EDDIE back on track.) Eddie, what do you think you’ll do?

EDDIE: (Said sadly and helpless.) Ah, gee, uh… I don’t know. This hasn’t happened before… I’m awful sorry about the sore state I’m in… It ain’t very mailmanly of me to be so low and lousy, is it?

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Don’t say that, Eddie! Today’s such a nice day! Maybe looking at how lovely it is will cheer you up!

EDDIE: (Sadly said.) …I suppose so…

STORYTELLER: We know you’ll find a way! You always find a way!

EDDIE: (Sadly said) …I do, don’t I?

STORYTELLER: Eddie got up from behind the counter and walked up to one of the Post Office’s windows. He thought long and hard about what he could do to bring in more business.

STORYTELLER: There must have been a way to remind his neighbors how nice it was to send and receive mail! After all, what was better than telling someone about your day while using silly stickers or your favorite colored crayon? What about sending someone a beautifully wrapped gift as a surprise to show how much you cared?

EDDIE: My thoughts exactly! There’s never a bad time to tell somebody how much you really love ‘em! (PAUSE. He gets chipper as he has a realization.) …But maybe if folks had a day all about it, it’d do the trick!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Eddie cheerfully grabbed a bushel of pink and red paper, his best scissors and his most reliable glue, and sat down at the nearest table to get to work! It wasn’t long before rosy red paper chains and frilly, hand-crafted hearts filled the Post Office inside and out! (PAUSE) Hmm… Say, Eddie, what’s all this stuff for?

EDDIE: (Excitedly.) Ain’t it obvious? I’m gettin’ ready for Mail-in-Time’s Day!

STORYTELLER: With a skip in his step, Eddie set off to the neighborhood to spread the word about his brand new holiday! Everyone knew Eddie was a happy fellow, but they were curious what had him so merry today!

BARNABY: Yeah! What’re you so happy for, Eddie-boy? Did ya get a new #2 pencil?

EDDIE: No siree, Mr. Beagle! I’m so happy cause I’m sharin’ my brand new holiday!

WALLY: Really? A new holiday? What is it?

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

EDDIE: I call it… Mail-in-Time’s Day! It’s a holiday all about lovin’ your fellow neighbor!

JULIE: (Said sweetly and swooning.) Love?! Like in the movies? Oh, how romantic!!

EDDIE: Well, it doesn’t only gotta be the lovey-dovey kinda love you’re showin’! Lovin’ your friends and family and tellin’ ‘em how much you care can be twice as nice!

FRANK: (Said skeptically and bluntly.) Oh? Then, how exactly do you show them how much you love them?

EDDIE: That’s easy! You write ‘em a letter tellin’ ‘em what they mean to you! And you get ‘em a gift you know they’d love and wrap it up nice with a bow on top! Then, they do the same for you! Ain’t that just peachy?

SALLY: Oh is it, now? What if you receive naught in return? Imagine- let me set the scene. (Said increasingly dramatically.) Your vulnerable, earnest message cast aside! Your gift, lovingly wrapped, now left to sit on the stoop! Oh! So many tragic possibilities!

POPPY: Sally, stop it! That’s an awful thing to think! And no one in our neighborhood would ever do something so cruel and callous! (PAUSE. Said worriedly.) …Would they?

SALLY: (Said threateningly.) Not if they know what’s good for them!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

EDDIE: C’mon now, it ain’t about how many things you do or don’t get! It’s about takin’ the time outta your busy schedule to pour all your feelings into a lovingly written letter or a heart-shaped gift for the folks in your neighborhood! (Said giddily.) An’ the best part is… Ya don’t tell ‘em it was you who sent it! Or who yer sendin’ it to! That way, it’s a big ol’ surprise for everyone!

HOWDY: That’s all well an’ good, but… I got one question! (Confused.) …Why all the heart stuff?

EDDIE: Oh! (EDDIE laughs bashfully.) Nothin’ says love like a big ol’ heart! And… I just think they’re real sweet! Oh- but, if’n you’ll excuse me… I gotta make sure I'm ready for all those deliveries! So long, Mr. Pillar! Mr. Barnaby! Mr. Darling!

BARNABY: That’s funny, he gave us the same spiel earlier. It's a little scary how he can say it the same every time!

WALLY: I wish I could remember what I want to say. I think that’s the most!

BARNABY: Maybe you oughtta write to Eddie about how much you love that!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: As much as I don’t like agreein’ with the competition, Ed might be onto somethin’ with all this, ah, Mailin-in-Time’s day stuff! As a matter of fact… I can see’s it now, clear as day! Heart-shaped fruits! Heart-shaped cans! Heart-shaped sundaes with little heart-shaped sprinkles on top!

BARNABY: Heart-shaped hot dogs? On heart-shaped buns?

HOWDY: All advertised with heart-shaped sales signs with heart-shaped deals written out in heart shaped-!

BARNABY: (Curious.) -marker?

HOWDY: Don’t be ridiculous, Barn! …I’d write ‘em out in heart-shaped numbers!

BARNABY: Silly me!

STORYTELLER: Thanks to Eddie’s new holiday, everyone in Home had now become swept up in a fervor of love! Some neighbors had already begun to write exactly how they felt about their fellow felt friends through poetry!

SALLY: (Sing-song as she writes.) Ah, stupendous starling that you are! How enchanting I find thou! Allow me to count the ways, as countless as they are! (She takes a deep inhale. Said increasingly excitedly.) One-one thousand… two-one thousand… three-one thousand… four-one thousand… five-one-thousand…!

POPPY: Sally, dear… Shouldn’t you be at your own home writing this? I thought that much of the enjoyment of a Mail-in-Time’s day letter came from the surprise of what was inside!

SALLY: (Said passionately.) Nonsense, Poppy, dear! This is our first Mail-in-Time day! And as the best of friends, it simply must be done… together! (Gasps excitedly.) In fact, have a seat! I’ll help you write yours! Allow me to start it off for you-

POPPY: (Trying to intervene.) Sally, I don’t need it, I- I think I’d much prefer to-!

SALLY: (Interrupting Poppy as she writes.) Oh, stupendous starling that you are, how enchanting I find thou! (Voice beginning to fade out as she speaks.) Allow me to count the ways, as countless as they are…

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

JULIE: (Sound of effort and a thud as she places something on the counter.) I’ll be taking this, my good man!

HOWDY: (Giddily said.) Ooo! A fancy-schmancy copper mold with all the bells and whistles? And it’s shaped like a heart?! What a steal! Who’s the lucky fella, Jules?

JULIE: (Acting sweet and coy.) Oh Howdy, I can’t tell you that, it’s a Mail-in-Times day secret! (Less cutesy, more demanding.) Now wrap it up pretty and put a big bow on top!

HOWDY: An’ how will you be payin’ today?

JULIE: Put it on my tab, toots! (Clicks her tongue.)

HOWDY: (Said like a jovial clerk.) Hahaha! A’course! (Said under his breath.) When don’t I?

(FRANK and JULIE walk past each other and trade places at HOWDY’s countertop.)

HOWDY: (Giddily said.) Ooo! A fancy schmancy bowling ball with all the bells and whistles? And it’s shaped like a heart?! What a steal! Who’s the lucky jane, Frank?

FRANK: (Said with a huff.) I’m not telling you! Mail-in-Times day is a private matter! (Said more politely.) Please, ah, wrap it up nicely if you could, Howdy.

HOWDY: An’ how will you be payin’ today?

FRANK: I’d like to put it on my tab, thank you.

HOWDY: (Said like a jovial clerk.) Hahaha! A’course! (Said under his breath.) He’s just as bad as her!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Some neighbors preferred to make their Mail-in-Times gifts on their own. There was nothing quite like a handmade card cut into the shape of a heart! Especially made in the privacy of one’s very own home!

BARNABY: Hmm… Mhm… Huh! Uh- hey, kid, who’re you makin’ your Mail-in-times day card out to?

WALLY: I’m making it out to… Julie… Frank… Eddie… Sally… Poppy… Howdy… and You.

BARNABY: (Laughing.) The whole neighborhood, huh?

WALLY: Yes! I love everyone. I want them to know. (PAUSE.) …Barnaby?

BARNABY: Yeah, kid?

WALLY: Are… you going to make a Mail-in-Time day card for… me?

BARNABY: (Pretending like he had never considered it and needs convincing.) Hmm… Gee, Walls, I dunno… What’ve ya done for me lately?

WALLY: (Genuinely thinks about it.) Hmm… I say good morning to you every day… And, I laugh at all your jokes, even if I don’t understand them… And one time, I helped you find your hat when you forgot it was on your head!

BARNABY: (Laughs.) Alright, alright, ya convinced me! Hmm… I noticed ya didn’t put Home on your list!

WALLY: Because it’s a surprise. I didn’t want him to find out…

BARNABY: Smart thinkin’! I bet he’s got ears all over the place!

WALLY: (Whispering.) Are you going to make Home one too?

BARNABY: What kinda neighbor would I be if I didn’t! (Pretending to write.) Dear buddy, oh pal, oh Home sweet Home o’ mine! Have ya done somethin’ new with your windows? Cause I’m never in pane when I see’s em! (Laughs.)

STORYTELLER: Sure enough, by the end of the day, the mail box was filled to the brim with warm sentiments and kind regards of all sorts! It did Eddie’s heart good to see his friends and neighbors so eager to celebrate his new holiday. That night Eddie dreamt of beautifully wrapped gifts with bows on top and heartfelt letters written on paper lovingly cut into the shape of a heart.

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: The next morning, Eddie got up bright and early to begin his delivery route. When he began filling his mailbag, however, he realized… Something was wrong.

EDDIE: (Distressed.) Oh… Oh no! Everythin’s pink and red! Nobody marked who the mail was for! Or where it’s from! How did this happen-!? (PAUSE.) Wait a tick- Oh, Eddie Dear, you nincompoop, ya told ‘em to, that’s why! What am I gonna do?! (He mutters under his breath in dismay, then takes a big inhale and exhale.)

EDDIE: (Speaking with determination.) No! Eddie Dear, you listen here! You know you’ll find a way! You always find a way! You know your fellow neighbors like the back’a your hand! You just… Got to deliver it! Like normal!

STORYTELLER: Eddie quickly filled his mailbag with everyone’s Mail-in-Time gifts and headed into Home with only a smidgen of fear and a whole lot of confidence.

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: He looked closely at each letter and package he pulled out of his mailbag and did the best he could to take everything to where he felt it belonged. Once the Mail-in-Time gifts had all been delivered, Eddie made his way back to the Post Office and sat in his favorite chair. He deserved a break after all of that work!

EDDIE: Hoo-wee! Done and done! Eddie Dear, it wasn’t easy, but ya did it! I might be the best mailman this side’a the neighborhood, if I do say so myself!

STORYTELLER: Mail-in-Time’s day seemed like it went off without a hitch! …But then, Eddie started to think. What if his guesses weren’t as good as he thought they were? What if everyone’s beautifully wrapped gifts with bows on top and heartfelt letters written on paper lovingly cut into the shape of a heart… were delivered to all the wrong people?! Confessed feelings and personal thoughts would be thrown out in the open for all the neighborhood to see! This was all too much for Eddie Dear to bear!

EDDIE: (Distressed.) Oh, no! Eddie Dear, you nincompoop, why’d you think this plan would work!?

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Like clockwork, the Post Office phone began to ring, causing Eddie to jump up in his seat. This would no doubt be the beginning of a barrage of unhappy complaints, he thought as he swallowed uneasily. (A phone ringing is heard.) With a heavy sigh, Eddie unwillingly picked the phone off the hook.

EDDIE: (Said worriedly.) W-Whether letter or parcel, whether rain, sleet, or shine, we weather the weather and never Mail-in-Time- I- I mean! Decline! Eddie Dear speakin’, h-how can I help you?

POPPY: Eddie, dear, this is Poppy! I wanted to call and tell you… Your Mail-in-times day was such a lovely idea! Simply marvelous!

EDDIE: (Worried, but confused.) Lovely? Marvelous? Are ya sure? O-Or I- I mean! Why do ya say somethin’ like that?

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

POPPY: Well, I checked my mail box and I was surprised at how many letters and gifts were tucked away inside! My neighbors really are thinking so much about me!

STORYTELLER: Poppy chirped pleasantly.

POPPY: Someone was such a sweetheart, too, Eddie! They gave me a bowling ball shaped like a heart! It’s so much safer than a bowling ball shaped like a bowling ball! Now there’s not a chance it will roll over my foot! Why, it could even make for a decent pie weight! Much easier than dried beans! But I won’t take up anymore of your time! Thank you for such a lovely holiday, dear, I’ve never felt more at home in Home!

EDDIE: (Said with slight confusion.) That sounds… Real lovely! Happy to be of service…! You have a good day now, y’hear?

STORYTELLER: Eddie was shocked. The phone calls didn’t stop there, either! The other neighbors had begun calling in to tell him how much they liked the holiday too. (Sound of a phone ringing is heard.)

HOWDY: I tells ya, Ed, this here gift’a mine’s a real thing of beauty! It brightens up the place and reminds ya what matters most of all in this crazy world! Shucks, my neighbors sure know how to make a caterpillar salesman feel like one in a million!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

SALLY: (Said dramatically as usual.) Oh, Mailman, your man-made holiday was an unexpected success! My secret admirer may even know me more than I know myself! Hah! A copper pan?! It’s bold! It’s new! (Sing-song.) It’s genius! (Gasps.) It has inspired me to create my next hit theatrical play… Peter Pots and Pans! A thrilling tale of a young boy and his magical, flying kitchen ware!!

JULIE: (Reading the letter gleefully.) “Oh stupendous starling that you are, how enchanting I find thou! Allow me to count the ways, as countless as they are!” (Giggling.) And then they wrote down a bunch’a numbers aaaaall the way up to one hundred and one thousand, Eddie! That’s a whole a lot of numbers to write on a piece of paper! I’m so touched! I love Mail–in-Time’s day!

FRANK: (Reading the letter, unimpressed.) “How do I declare my feelings about thee, effortlessly effervescent companion of mine? Allow me to count the ways, as countless as they are.” Then they wrote every number all the way up to one hundred and one thousand. (Said bluntly.) I think it’s a waste of perfectly good paper, to be frank, but the sentiment is appreciated. Mail-in-Times day isn’t so bad, Mr. Dear.

BARNABY: (Crying.) Eddie-boy, ya wouldn’t believe it! My special some-buddy sent me a whole bunch’a coupons crammed into an envelope! No letter or nothin’, just the way I likes it! I even got a coupon for 100% off whatever I want! Can ya believe it?! (Sniffles, genuinely touched.) I’ll never have to be funny ever again!

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

WALLY: (Reading the letter.) “Dear buddy, oh pal, oh Home sweet Home o’ mine! Have you done something new with your windows? Cause I’m never in pane when I see them.” (Said sweetly.) I’m glad that whoever wrote me likes my window panes. This was a good idea, Eddie. I knew you would find a way.

EDDIE: (Said with confidence.) Yer too kind, Wally! I’m just happy to be of service! You have a good day now, y’hear?

STORYTELLER: Hearing how happy his neighbors were had Eddie’s heart all aflutter. Everything had turned out better than he could ever imagine.

EDDIE: (Realizing.) …Oh, shoot! I spent all day deliverin’ others’ things, and I didn’t get to deliver mine!

STORYTELLER: Oh! Scratch that- With everything said and done, it was finally time for Eddie to deliver his own Mail-in-Time letters! He went from house to house, discreetly tucking his letters into each and every neighbor’s mailbox. The last stop he made was to Home. Before he gave him his Mail-in-Time’s day gift, however, Eddie told Home all about his day! Worries, successes, and all!

EDDIE: …But I guess I knew everyone better than I thought! Everybody called me and told me how good of a job I did! Ain’t that funny, Home? (HOME creaks.) I feel so silly about bein’ so worried before…

(MUSICAL SOUND PLAYS.)

EDDIE: (Rustling sound.) But enough about me! I thought I oughtta make a special trip to you before the day was over. I wanted to end my Mail-in-Times day proper by readin’ you mine.

STORYTELLER: Home creaked curiously- (Sound of HOME creaking.) -as Eddie took a seat on the front step. Eddie pulled out a bright red envelope from his mailbag and opened it to read the letter inside.

EDDIE: Dear Home, I wanted to say how much I liked bein’ your neighbor and your friend! You always seem to brighten up when ya see me and I hope you know I feel the same way. Seein’ you from my Post Office, nestled in all them flowers, always tugs on my heart…

(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)

(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo Storyteller! You can read along with me in your own book! When you hear this sound (CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.) it will be time to turn the page!

STORYTELLER: A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record. Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page. “That Incredible Thing!” by (RECORD SCRATCH).

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. And what better way to enjoy a day like this than by going for a walk in the neighborhood! Isn’t that right, Sally Starlet?

SALLY: Shhh! Quiet! I am in the middle of thinking of my next magnum opus, thank you very much! A fantastic new play sure to bring this neighborhood to its very knees!

STORYTELLER: Really? Could you tell us more about it?

SALLY: Hmph! A master of masterpieces, such as myself, doesn’t go around spouting off her innermost creative thoughts so easily! It could spoil the whole thing!

STORYTELLER: Oh my! Then, what can we know?

SALLY: An inkling, storyteller, only an inkling! Without giving too much away… (Clears throat.)

(A twinkling sound plays as she describes the story.)

SALLY: The story begins with an emotionally compelling introduction to the heroine and her plight! Then, everything changes! The call to adventure rips her from her established routine and plunges her into adversities the likes of which she has never experienced before! Luckily for her, she finds companionship along the way to help shoulder the burden! And yet… the action rises! And finally, we reach the exciting high-stakes climax!

STORYTELLER: (Said excitedly.) Oh, boy! What happens next?! What happens next?!

SALLY: (Said bombastically.) The action falls! All of her efforts fall with her! It’s the very moment all hope seems lost!

STORYTELLER: (Said excitedly.) And then!?

SALLY: (Said bombastically. A drumroll plays.) And then-! (Her normal tone returns. The drumroll abruptly drops.) …I haven’t quite gotten there yet! But rest assured, you can expect nothing less from this celestial mind! (SALLY hums to herself.) Huff! And now you’ve gone and gotten me all parched!

STORYTELLER: Sounds like an emotionally compelling beginning to me! Plight included!

SALLY: Yes, well, the only thing I feel compelled to do is go into Howardson’s business! My presence will surely be enough to pay for something to quench my thirst!

STORYTELLER: Sally walked into Howdy’s Place- (The bell of the shop door jingles.) -the Home of Everything you Need and Everything you Don’t! In search of a drink befitting her newest script.

(The sound of HOWDY’s many footsteps is heard.)

HOWDY: Well Howdy-do, my pal-y Sally! How’s my favorite director from the stars?

SALLY: She’s on a tight schedule, so we must cut these pleasantries short! I simply must stay on track! I’ll be taking the usual-

HOWDY: A’course, Sal! Twist it, choke it, and send it to the moon! Just like ya like it! (The sound of glass and silverware clinking can be heard as he prepares her drink.) So what’s the next story, huh? Does it call for a handsome caterpillar? C’mon Sal, spill the beans!

SALLY: Ah, ah, ah, Howardson! It’s like I told the Storyteller! It stays in here!

STORYTELLER: It’s true! I tried…

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: Aw, but y’know me, Sal, I’m a patron of the arts!

SALLY: As you’ve told me time and time again! But between you and I and him… I… haven’t quite finished this one. But! As long as I don’t get distracted, I should be fine-! (SALLY Gasps as something catches her gaze.) What is that?!

HOWDY: What's the what?

SALLY: (Struggling to find the words.) That… That immaculate item! The stupendous whatsit!!

HOWDY: Come again?

SALLY: (A dreamy sound plays.) That Incredible Thing!!

STORYTELLER: Everything changed for Sally when she saw it! (A glittering sound plays as it’s described.) There, sitting bathed in the glow of the grocery store lights, atop a bright red pedestal, sat a big, beautiful, indescribable deal!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: Oh! (Dreamy sound plays.) That Incredible Thing! Impeccable taste, Sal, you’ve got the keen eye of a director and a sophisticated palette that’s outta this world!

(HOWDY can be heard walking over.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy waltzed up to the Incredible Thing in question and began his salesman pitch.

(A lighthearted tune accompanies the pitch.)

HOWDY: (Said quickly as a salesman.) This Incredible Thing has got all the complicated bobbles and shiny thingamajigs a customer could ask for! Big cogs that turn at your leisure! (Sound of cogs turning is heard.) Keys to nowhere for those who like a little mystery in their life! (Sound of keys jingling is heard.) And a horn that says, ‘hello, world! Get outta the way!’ (Sound of horn screeching is heard.) And most important of all… An essential for any-buggy with a busy schedule like yourself… (Said overtly sweetly.) A cupholder!

SALLY: Enough of the advertisemental blathering, Howardson! It must be mine! Name your price!

STORYTELLER: Howdy tapped his chin.

(Three horns play in sequence as HOWDY considers.)

HOWDY: Hmmm… For somethin’ this fantastically decadent? Gee, I don’t know if you could afford it, Sal…

SALLY: I beg to differ! Oh! How about a musical number from my newest play, performed live by yours truly! Oh, I’ll start! Ahem!

(Music starts to build. She takes in a big inhale of air as if beginning to sing.)

HOWDY: (Immediately interrupting her with a record scratch that halts the music.) Ah, ah, ah! I don’t accept one-man showtimes, missy!

SALLY: And why not?!

HOWDY: I get too invested! And a grocer worth investing in should only be invested in his investments! ‘Sides, I think this whatsy-whosit is worth a little more than that!

SALLY: Oh, fine! (She huffs to herself.) Hmph… There must be something I can give Howardson… Something worth that Incredible Thing…

HOWDY: Sorry, Sal, but there’s no public stewin’ in my store! (Said chipperly.) So come back once ya figured it out and I’ll cut ya a deal!

STORYTELLER: With the help of his faithful pushbroom, Howdy polite-fully swept Sally out of the store and into the streets of Home. (The sound of HOWDY strolling up and sweeping SALLY away can be heard. The bell on the door jingles.) Sally didn’t care, though, her mind was much more preoccupied with- (A dreamy sound plays.) -that Incredible Thing.

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: She would find a way to get it one way or another. (Dreamy music plays as SALLY thinks.) She was Sally Starlet, after all, and this was her call to adventure! She just needed something to get her on the right path!

EDDIE: (Humming happily and loudly.) Oh! Hello, Miss Starlet!

STORYTELLER: Oh! The companionship! (A triumphant dreamy sound plays.)

EDDIE: (Cheerfully said to the STORYTELLER.) Aw shucks, I like to think so! (To SALLY.) It’s a lovely day we’re havin’, ain’t it, Miss Starlet? It’s a real incredible thing of beauty, if I do say so myself!

SALLY: Oh, not now, Mailman! Can’t you see I’m thinking?

EDDIE: So ya are! A penny for your thoughts?

SALLY: (Laughs dismissively.) I’ll need much more than that! There is an indescribable object that has taken hold of my head and my heart. (Dramatic gasp.) …And yet… It is out of my reach! It feels as though it is a whole star system away from my grasp! Perhaps even a galaxy!

EDDIE: (Said completely invested and sincere.) That sounds plain awful! What’re you gonna do?

SALLY: I don’t know! But surely there must be something of mine that’s worth as much as a thing so stunning and radiant as myself!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

SALLY: (Spoken under her breath, realizing.) Wait a moment…

EDDIE: (Spoken to cheer her up.) Well don’t beat yerself up about it too much, Miss Starlet! You’re worth a whole lot more than some big ol’ extravagant doohickey from Howdy’s Place- (His speech fades into the background as SALLY begins to talk to herself over him.) if’n you ask me! Sides, you can have just as much fun with a paperclip as you could with your incredulous wing!

SALLY: (Ignoring EDDIE completely and thinking out loud. Everything is said mischievously under her breath.) Yes… Mhm… Oh yes, that could work…! Sally Starlet, you’ve done it again! (Pointing accusingly at EDDIE and interrupting him.) Mailman! How is your mailbag?

EDDIE: Oh! It's empty, I reckon! I was on my way back to the Post Office right now to take a li’l break!

SALLY: Oh, good, so you’re not busy! Come with me!

(The door bell jingles as they re-enter the store.)

STORYTELLER: Sally walked right back into Howdy’s Place and headed straight for the counter with Eddie Dear in her grasp. Howdy could only raise an eyebrow as Sally stretched her arms up in a powerful gesture.

SALLY: (Said sing-song.) I have returned to take you up on your deal!

HOWDY: (Gleefully.)Oh, goody! I do so love getting paid! (His many feet scamper over.) Whatcha got for me, sister?

SALLY: (Dramatically gasps. Said small and confidently.) Me!

HOWDY: (Baffled. A horrified sting plays.) …You?!

SALLY: And-! (Points at EDDIE. Said less enthusiastically.) Him.

HOWDY: (Baffled and angry. Another horrified sting plays.) Him!?

EDDIE: Howdy do, Mr. Pillar! I was just tellin’ Miss Starlet how nice of a day we were havin’ out there!

HOWDY: (Said outraged, with yet another sting paying.) Quiet, you! (To SALLY.) What am I gonna do with the likes of yous twos?!

SALLY: Oh, isn’t it obvious, Howardson? We’re going to become… (Gasps, then says it like a fun surprise.) Your new employees!

HOWDY: (Shocked.) Employees!?

SALLY: (Sing-song.) That’s right! (The salesman pitch music fades in.) And for today only, we will give you our utmost attention and dedication to your establishment in exchange for that Incredible Thing! (Dreamy sound plays.) The price is fair, is it not? After all, you have I, an experienced director that fell from the heavens themselves! …And the mailman as a bonus!

EDDIE: (Said bashfully.) Aw, thanks for includin’ me, Sally!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: (A pause to think.) Hmm…

STORYTELLER: Howdy thought to himself about the offer. They weren’t Pillars, sure, but having four extra arms and four extra legs was nothing to laugh at! That was nearly a whole Pillar! (A dreamy sound plays. HOWDY starts to laugh boisterously to himself.) And if Sally was as good as she said they were, then this would be a steal!

HOWDY: You got yourself a deal, Sal! But I expect a full day's work! No lollygagging or laughin’ on the clock!

SALLY: (Said as if negotiating.) Hmm… Slight lollygagging and a single haughty laugh?

HOWDY: Hmph! Alright, but no haughty laughter in front of the customer! I’m tryin’ to run a humble business here!

SALLY: Deal!

STORYTELLER: After their deal was made, Howdy got Sally and Eddie suited in uniforms befitting temporary employees of the Pillar family! (A triumphant bugle plays.) Aprons, antennas and all!

HOWDY: (To the Audience.) I cleaned ‘em up pretty nice, didn’t I? (Directed at the two of them.) As a professional commercial caterpillar, I know my apples! So I’ll be able to get you two on the ball before ya know it! This foolproof method of mine has been in my family for generations, handed down from every busy-butterfly and wealthy-woolyworm worth his salt! All ya gotta do is follow the three S’s of the solemn salesman vow! (Each said with a single horn note played.) Stock the shelves, sweep the floors, and service with a smile!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

SALLY: (Dramatically.) You underestimate my capabilities, Howardson! I am already fully immersed in the role of the lowly sales clerk! I feel the rumbling call of the grocery store deep within my very core!

EDDIE: (Delightedly.) Me too! I love all these rules! I feel right at home!

SALLY: Howardson, why don’t you simply take the day off? I’m confident we can handle this establishment with ease on our own!

HOWDY: (Said sarcastically) Is that so? (Said with slight worry to himself.) Hm… I don’t like leavin’ my baby all on her own… (Quickly turns chipper.) …But what the hey! I say I earned a vacation! (A slide whistle plays.) I can’t remember the last time I had a quarter of a clock turn all to myself! I might even get some shut-eye!

STORYTELLER: Howdy donned his bedtime robe- (A dreamy sound plays.) -and slapped a sleep mask over his eyes. (A slap and horn honk are heard.)

HOWDY: (Said sarcastically.) Don’t do anythin’ I wouldn’t do, capiche? So long, suckers- (Next line is said as if batting his eyelashes.) I mean, my beloved Salespillars!

STORYTELLER: Howdy went to the room tucked away behind the counter and closed the door behind him. That left Sally and Eddie all by themselves to run the store! Now that’s a rise of action!

SALLY: Come, Mailman! We’re going to show Howardson how to properly run a grocery establishment! (She sighs wistfully.)
He is fortunate to have individuals like ourselves to help with his gratuitous tasks!

EDDIE: Not to toot my own horn or anythin’, but I think so too!
(He sighs wistfully.) There’s nothin’ like a hard day’s work to finish off a hard day’s work! But golly, this place sure is big… Think we’ll really be able to get done with all those S’s?

SALLY: Without a doubt in my mind! In fact, by the time we’re done helping him, he won’t be able to recognize the place! Perhaps he’ll even rename it! Oh, oh, oh! I can see it now! (Said dramatically.) Sally’s and Howdy’s and Eddie’s Place!

EDDIE: (Said in awe.) Do ya really think he’d do all that?

SALLY: Oh, absolutely! Now, take your prop and prepare for your starring role as Salespillar #2!

EDDIE: (Giddily said.) An unscripted role?! We’re gonna be so good at this!

SALLY: (Giddily said) Oh ho ho! I know, I know!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally and Eddie began their first and only day on the job as certified Salespillars! Even with an important job to do, however, Sally couldn’t help but think about all the fun she would have with that Incredible Thing. The cogs, the keys, the cupholder- (A dreamy sound plays.) This was an adversity the likes of which she had never experienced before!

STORYTELLER: Still, Sally was no space cadet! She would stay focused and start with the first step of the solemn salesman vow! (Triumphant bugle plays.) Stocking the shelves!

SALLY: These shelves are a complete mess!

EDDIE: Really? How do ya figure?

SALLY: Just look, Salespillar #2! They’re overtly riddled with unnecessary goods! Ah- okay, okay- here’s this one, Salespillar #2. “Canned fruit?” How ridiculous… They’ve locked away a whole orange in here! When there’s perfectly fine oranges over there! It’s superfluous!

EDDIE: I s’pose you’re right… These aisles could do with a little sprucin’ up… I feel like color codin’ things would really brighten up the place too! Nothin’ says a warm welcome like a colorful display!

SALLY: (She gasps.) That’s brilliant! With so many useless products cluttering the shelves, Howardson could never have thought of that! Let’s get to work!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally and Eddie started re-stocking the shelves in a way they both enjoyed. Eddie rearranged the cans by both color and size until the aisle was a full rainbow! As for Sally, anything that didn’t fit her taste went into the biggest can of all; the garbage can!

BARNABY: Hiya Sal, hiya Ed! Uh… What’s with the getups?

SALLY: (Said seriously.) We’re paying our dues!

EDDIE: (Said happily.) And havin’ fun doin’ it!

BARNABY: I bet ya are. So what happened here? Are all the canned goods suddenly canned bads?

SALLY: They’re canned cans now, Barntholomew!

BARNABY: Ah, what’sa matter with ‘em?

SALLY: They’re bland! Tasteless! And repetitious!

BARNABY: In flavor?

SALLY: In design!

BARNABY: (Said in mock horror.) Nothin’s worse than that! (Said intrigued.) So… Ya got ‘em on discount?

SALLY: (Horrified scoff.) No! I cannot sell these to you in good conscience! Not even for a dismal pun! In fact, take them away! Far, far away!

BARNABY: Can do!

STORYTELLER: How nice of you, Barnaby!

BARNABY: What can I say? I’m a good samaritan on my mother’s side!

STORYTELLER: With one S down, Sally allowed her mind to wander back to that Incredible Thing on the bright red pedestal. (A dreamy sound plays.) What would Poppy think of it, she thought. Sally could imagine her dear friend being in such awe of it that she would leave her barn just to see it up close! Maybe Poppy would like it so much that she’d even ride on the handlebars and let Sally drive her all around Home! (A sound like pedaling around plays. Said thoughtfully to himself.) …Hmm… Did it have handlebars?

STORYTELLER: With one task done, Sally and Eddie moved on to the next item on their to-do list! Sweeping the floors!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

EDDIE: I got the pushbroom ready to go!

SALLY: (Gasps and is then accusatory.) And what do you think you’re going to do with that?!

EDDIE: (Shocked and then confused.) O-Oh! I- Erm- Uh- …Sweep…?

SALLY: Open your eyes, Salespillar #2! Howardson would never give us such a lowly task as sweeping the floors! He is trying to goad us into something much bigger! Sweeping the customers off their feet! After all, what good is such a large stage as this if one isn’t performing on it?

EDDIE: …Y’mean the produce aisle?

SALLY: (Chuckling.) That’s what the laypuppet would call it, yes!

EDDIE: Gee, I never thought about it like that! I’ve never seen a grocery store stage show before!

SALLY: You will now, Salespillar #2! Quickly, find us some proper seating and start rehearsing! We have a show to put on!

EDDIE: Oh-! Can I do the music for it? I’ve been meaning to delve into the dark and the broodin’!

SALLY: (Said as if realizing.) The music! Oh, how could I forget?! And something dark and brooding too? Salespillar #2, you are spoiling me with your vision! Well then, hop to it!

STORYTELLER: All it took was some makeshift seats and a captive audience to get their show on the road!

SALLY: (Sing-song.) You mean a captivated audience! Big difference.

FRANK: (Angry and blunt.) I only came in here for canned pineapples and they’re all out! All the canned fruits are sold out!

BARNABY: Sorry, Frankfurter, but ya snooze, ya loose! And ya know what they say! The early beagle gets the canned goods!

FRANK: (Grumbling loudly and angrily.) …Nobody says that…!

JULIE: Oh don’t worry, Frank! How’s about we… put a whole pineapple in the gelatin instead!?

FRANK: But Julie…! The rinds…!

JULIE: Oh, we’ll make it work! Now shhh, Frank, my favorite part is coming on…!

FRANK: (Exasperated.) What?! How can you say that?! We haven’t even seen this show before! We’re in a grocery store for goodness sake!

STORYTELLER: But Julie was right! It was the best part! Sally stood atop an apple crate with a watermelon in her hands! An expression was carved into its rind, but it was hard to tell what exactly it was feeling. Eddie provided the musical accompaniment.

EDDIE: (Making comedic spooky sounds as SALLY performs.) Whoooosh! Ooooowooo! Kaboom!

SALLY: (With sorrow.) Alas, poor Yoricmelon! I knew of him, Howdatio! He was but a fruit of infinite jest, of most excellent picking: he hath fed me from his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred it is in my tongue’s imagination! Where be your rinds now? Your seeds? Your flesh!? (SALLY cries in despair.)

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally made a rehearsed cry of despair and let the watermelon fly out of her hand. (A descending slide whistle is heard.) When it hit the ground, it smashed open and splashed onto all the neighbors sitting in the front row.

(Scattered applause is heard.)

BARNABY: Hey, this show ain’t half-bad! It’s all bad! (A rimshot plays.)

JULIE: (Hooting with delight.) Well I think it was soooo good! It swept me right off my paws! Go on, Frank, tell Barnaby how good it was!

FRANK: (Fed up.) Can we just buy the pineapple already?!

SALLY: (Whispering to EDDIE.) Salespillar #2, look! They’re appropriately stunned! Grab the push broom!

EDDIE: (Whispering to SALLY.) You don’t gotta tell me twice!

STORYTELLER: Eddie grabbed hold of Howdy’s faithful pushbroom and with one mighty push, swept everyone out of Howdy’s Place!

JULIE: (Joyful yell as she’s thrown out.) This is the best service I’ve gotten at Howdy’s Place yet!

FRANK: (Furious yell as he’s thrown out.) B-But what about the pineapple?!?

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: With everyone successfully swept off their feet, Sally thought about that Incredible Thing again! (A dreamy sound is heard.) She could see herself now, the wind blowing through her rays as she rode through Home! Maybe she’d even honk the horn if anyone got in her way! Truly, she’d be the envy of everyone!

STORYTELLER: With the second task down, there was only one part left of the solemn salesman vow! Service with a smile! They had been smiling all day, so this was no problem at all! Smiling came to them like a bird took to flight! Like a worm to an apple! …Or maybe like smiling came to Wally!

WALLY: Hello, Sally. Hello, Eddie. I like your smiles! I like your outfits too!

EDDIE: Aw, thank you kindly, Mr. Darling! What can we do ya for? Are ya lookin’ for paint cans? Paint brushes? Paint… Pants?

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

WALLY: I’m here for my new canvases. Where is Howdy?

SALLY: Howardson has stepped out and placed me in charge!

WALLY: (Said Seriously.) Really?

EDDIE: (Said confused.) Really?

SALLY: (Sputtering.) Yes, really! So, as Manager Director, if it is a new canvas you want, then it is a new canvas you shall have!

WALLY: Thank you, Sally. How much is it? Barnaby wrote down a joke for me to tell to Howdy. (Said as if reading.) Knock knock-

SALLY: Oh ho ho, Walliford, Walliford! I shan’t be answering that door! We don’t accept jokes any longer! As I’ve said before, we’re under new management now!

WALLY: Really?

SALLY: Yes, really!

EDDIE: (A little incredulously.) Really?

SALLY: (Insistent.) Yes, really! The only thing I require as payment… Is your undivided attention!

WALLY: Oh, I can do that!

SALLY: I know you can, Darling! Listening is your strong suit! So prepare yourself, Walliford! If you think our smiling was good, then think again! We can provide a wide array of emotions the likes of which you’ve never even experienced!

EDDIE: (Insistently said to SALLY, as if through his teeth.) And we’ll do it with a smile?

SALLY: With a smile… And more!

WALLY: What about me? What should I do?

SALLY: Park it! And prepare to be gleefully aghast by our execution of… Wait for it… ‘The smile!’

STORYTELLER: Wally did just that. He sat politely at the soda fountain as Sally provided him with every feeling she could possibly emote! Including ones never yet seen before! …All with a smile, of course!

SALLY: I call this one ‘begrudgingly eager’!

EDDIE: I call this one, ‘Will that be paper or plastic?’

WALLY: That’s the most!

STORYTELLER: With his canvases paid for, Wally bid the two a fond farewell and headed to Home. Just like that, they had performed all three S’s of the solemn salesman vow! (A dreamy sound is heard.) That Incredible Thing was as good as… Hers!

SALLY: I knew we could do it, Salespillar #2! We make for a stunning duo, don’t we?

EDDIE: (Sounding delighted.) I’d say so, Manager Director! Shoot, I never had so much fun at work before in my life! Not since I got my very first stapler!

SALLY: (A dreamy sound is heard.) That Incredible Thing will be mine! All mine!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Suddenly, an alarm clock could be heard ringing in the back of Howdy’s Place. (Alarm clock rings.) The high-stakes climax sounded like it was about to wake up! Sure enough, Howdy came out of his bedroom, fresh as a daisy and ready to return to work.

(HOWDY’s footsteps are heard.)

HOWDY: (Yawning.) Oh, boy, now that’s what I call a break! I can’t wait to have another one three springs from now! (Directed at SALLY and EDDIE.) So how’d my beloved Salespillars of the month do on their very first day on the job?

SALLY: Why don’t you see for yourself! You’ll be speechless!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: When Howdy got an eyeful of his store, his jaw dropped to the floor.

(A horrific sting plays.)

HOWDY: (Completely beside himself) Holy smokes… What happened?!

(HOWDY’s footsteps are heard as he runs.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy ran to his shelves, now nearly barren of everything but a bunched-together rainbow of cans.

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) My canned goods have been canned?!

SALLY: Naturally! You simply must do away with the droll and embrace the exciting!

EDDIE: That’s right! But not too excitin’, so we organized what was left over! Don’t it make a purdy picture?

STORYTELLER: Howdy then turned to look at his produce section and saw where the watermelon had been smashed on the ground.

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Y-Y-You’ve pulverized my produce?!

SALLY: Don’t worry Howardson, I understood you loud and clear! The show was quite literally a smash hit!

EDDIE: Good thing, too! I didn’t know sweepin’ was grocery talk for entertainin’ customers!

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Customers?! You had customers in here?!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

(The sound of HOWDY running can be heard.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy ran to his cash register and popped open the drawer. It was empty! There were no jokes! No limericks! No riddles! Nada! Zilch! Nothing!

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Where’s the dough?!

SALLY: Don’t worry, Howardson! It’s all taken care of! I took it upon myself to utilize a new and exciting form of payment…

HOWDY: I’m too afraid to know the answer…!

SALLY: …Which was admiring moi!

HOWDY: (Gradually getting more enraged.) You did… so… SO MUCH in… A quarter of a clock turn! …A quarter of a clock turn?! You did all this in a quarter of a clock turn?!

SALLY: (Sing-song.) That’s right! We’ve done so much in so little time!

EDDIE: We sure have! It felt like we only just started! I guess it’s really how folks say! Time flies when you’re havin’ fun!

SALLY: But it was surely enough to earn that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing, wouldn’t you say, Howardson?

HOWDY: (Still in horror.) I-I-I… I… I!

STORYTELLER: Howdy was speechless!

SALLY: Did you hear that, Salespillar #2? He’s speechless! I told you he would be!

EDDIE: Shoot, I ain’t never seen him this tongue-tied before! We did better than I thought! But… Sally, the deal was that we give ‘em a whole day of work! It’s the neighborly thing to do to keep to your word!

SALLY: (Gasps.) Oh my stars… You’re right! (To HOWDY.) Howardson! I know we’ve already done so much for you, but I believe I speak on behalf of both of us when I say we’d be happy to do overtime!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: (Dumbstruck.) Ha– Overtime? (HOWDY laughs wildly.) Overtime, she says! Ha ha ha! Overtime! Ho ho ho! (Said enraged.) OVERTIME!?

EDDIE: Y’hear that? We’re doin’ the right thing. He’s over the moon about it!

SALLY: And then some!

STORYTELLER: Howdy raced over and grabbed the- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing off its bright red pedestal and shoved it in Eddie’s arms. …Does this count as falling in action or that all hope is lost? (A thoughtful musical sound plays.)

HOWDY: (Panicked and angry.) Take it! On the house! On everything I own! On my poor sweet mother! Now SCRAM! VAMOOSE! GET OUT!

STORYTELLER: Howdy grabbed his faithful pushbroom and swept Sally, Eddie, and that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing out of his shop before slamming the door shut behind them. (The sound of HOWDY’s footsteps, the door bell, and the door slamming are all heard.) The two former Salespillars looked at each other and then at the object in Eddie’s hands.

SALLY: (In disbelief.) We… We did it!

EDDIE: We… We did do it, didn’t we? You got your uh… Inedible swing! She’s a real beaut too! …Whatever she is!

SALLY: Oh, she’s simply indescribable… (Smugly.) Just like yours truly! (A ding is heard, as if she is winking.)

STORYTELLER: Having this- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing made Sally so happy. It was everything she could have hoped for! The cogs that turned, the keys to anything, and even the flashy cupholder! But now that the day was done, she realized something else too.

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: The adventure she had found herself on may have started with that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing… But it ended with- (Another dreamy sound.) -Eddie Dear. Even when she found herself with her head in the clouds, he had been there to shoulder the burden with her to get the job done. Sally couldn’t ask for a better friend.

SALLY: You know, Edward, I don’t say it often, but you’re quite the incredible thing yourself. Perhaps what you said earlier was indeed correct. It’s the small things that matter to us most of all, more than any material possession!

EDDIE: (Bashfully said.) …Aw shucks, I’m happy I could be of service! …Speakin’ of which… Did you get the feelin’ that Howdy gave us the boot back there?

SALLY: Hmm! I simply don’t see the need to get into semantics!

STORYTELLER: As if second nature to her, Sally climbed into that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing.

SALLY: Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be going! I have a bold, new play to finish! I’ve suddenly found myself… (A horn honks loudly.) Inspired.

(The clattering sound of the Incredible Thing pedaling away is heard.)

STORYTELLER: And so, Sally rode off into the neighborhood, no doubt going to write the ending to her next, big play… (Comes to a realization. He sounds excited.) Oh… Oh! The ending! We’re in the ending! It was about friendship! This really was a good resolution! How did she know?!

EDDIE: (Tearfully said, as if emotionally moved.) I love happy endings…!

(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)