(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Hello, you, and welcome to your Marlo Looky-Loo storybook. I’ll be your Marlo Storyteller! You can read along with me in your own book! When you hear this sound (CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.) it will be time to turn the page!

STORYTELLER: A MARLO Looky-Loo storyteller book and record. Let’s visit our friends by going to the very first page. “That Incredible Thing!” by (RECORD SCRATCH).

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: What a beautiful day in Home, isn’t it, neighbor? Just like every day before today and every day after. And what better way to enjoy a day like this than by going for a walk in the neighborhood! Isn’t that right, Sally Starlet?

SALLY: Shhh! Quiet! I am in the middle of thinking of my next magnum opus, thank you very much! A fantastic new play sure to bring this neighborhood to its very knees!

STORYTELLER: Really? Could you tell us more about it?

SALLY: Hmph! A master of masterpieces, such as myself, doesn’t go around spouting off her innermost creative thoughts so easily! It could spoil the whole thing!

STORYTELLER: Oh my! Then, what can we know?

SALLY: An inkling, storyteller, only an inkling! Without giving too much away… (Clears throat.)

(A twinkling sound plays as she describes the story.)

SALLY: The story begins with an emotionally compelling introduction to the heroine and her plight! Then, everything changes! The call to adventure rips her from her established routine and plunges her into adversities the likes of which she has never experienced before! Luckily for her, she finds companionship along the way to help shoulder the burden! And yet… the action rises! And finally, we reach the exciting high-stakes climax!

STORYTELLER: (Said excitedly.) Oh, boy! What happens next?! What happens next?!

SALLY: (Said bombastically.) The action falls! All of her efforts fall with her! It’s the very moment all hope seems lost!

STORYTELLER: (Said excitedly.) And then!?

SALLY: (Said bombastically. A drumroll plays.) And then-! (Her normal tone returns. The drumroll abruptly drops.) …I haven’t quite gotten there yet! But rest assured, you can expect nothing less from this celestial mind! (SALLY hums to herself.) Huff! And now you’ve gone and gotten me all parched!

STORYTELLER: Sounds like an emotionally compelling beginning to me! Plight included!

SALLY: Yes, well, the only thing I feel compelled to do is go into Howardson’s business! My presence will surely be enough to pay for something to quench my thirst!

STORYTELLER: Sally walked into Howdy’s Place- (The bell of the shop door jingles.) -the Home of Everything you Need and Everything you Don’t! In search of a drink befitting her newest script.

(The sound of HOWDY’s many footsteps is heard.)

HOWDY: Well Howdy-do, my pal-y Sally! How’s my favorite director from the stars?

SALLY: She’s on a tight schedule, so we must cut these pleasantries short! I simply must stay on track! I’ll be taking the usual-

HOWDY: A’course, Sal! Twist it, choke it, and send it to the moon! Just like ya like it! (The sound of glass and silverware clinking can be heard as he prepares her drink.) So what’s the next story, huh? Does it call for a handsome caterpillar? C’mon Sal, spill the beans!

SALLY: Ah, ah, ah, Howardson! It’s like I told the Storyteller! It stays in here!

STORYTELLER: It’s true! I tried…

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: Aw, but y’know me, Sal, I’m a patron of the arts!

SALLY: As you’ve told me time and time again! But between you and I and him… I… haven’t quite finished this one. But! As long as I don’t get distracted, I should be fine-! (SALLY Gasps as something catches her gaze.) What is that?!

HOWDY: What's the what?

SALLY: (Struggling to find the words.) That… That immaculate item! The stupendous whatsit!!

HOWDY: Come again?

SALLY: (A dreamy sound plays.) That Incredible Thing!!

STORYTELLER: Everything changed for Sally when she saw it! (A glittering sound plays as it’s described.) There, sitting bathed in the glow of the grocery store lights, atop a bright red pedestal, sat a big, beautiful, indescribable deal!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: Oh! (Dreamy sound plays.) That Incredible Thing! Impeccable taste, Sal, you’ve got the keen eye of a director and a sophisticated palette that’s outta this world!

(HOWDY can be heard walking over.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy waltzed up to the Incredible Thing in question and began his salesman pitch.

(A lighthearted tune accompanies the pitch.)

HOWDY: (Said quickly as a salesman.) This Incredible Thing has got all the complicated bobbles and shiny thingamajigs a customer could ask for! Big cogs that turn at your leisure! (Sound of cogs turning is heard.) Keys to nowhere for those who like a little mystery in their life! (Sound of keys jingling is heard.) And a horn that says, ‘hello, world! Get outta the way!’ (Sound of horn screeching is heard.) And most important of all… An essential for any-buggy with a busy schedule like yourself… (Said overtly sweetly.) A cupholder!

SALLY: Enough of the advertisemental blathering, Howardson! It must be mine! Name your price!

STORYTELLER: Howdy tapped his chin.

(Three horns play in sequence as HOWDY considers.)

HOWDY: Hmmm… For somethin’ this fantastically decadent? Gee, I don’t know if you could afford it, Sal…

SALLY: I beg to differ! Oh! How about a musical number from my newest play, performed live by yours truly! Oh, I’ll start! Ahem!

(Music starts to build. She takes in a big inhale of air as if beginning to sing.)

HOWDY: (Immediately interrupting her with a record scratch that halts the music.) Ah, ah, ah! I don’t accept one-man showtimes, missy!

SALLY: And why not?!

HOWDY: I get too invested! And a grocer worth investing in should only be invested in his investments! ‘Sides, I think this whatsy-whosit is worth a little more than that!

SALLY: Oh, fine! (She huffs to herself.) Hmph… There must be something I can give Howardson… Something worth that Incredible Thing…

HOWDY: Sorry, Sal, but there’s no public stewin’ in my store! (Said chipperly.) So come back once ya figured it out and I’ll cut ya a deal!

STORYTELLER: With the help of his faithful pushbroom, Howdy polite-fully swept Sally out of the store and into the streets of Home. (The sound of HOWDY strolling up and sweeping SALLY away can be heard. The bell on the door jingles.) Sally didn’t care, though, her mind was much more preoccupied with- (A dreamy sound plays.) -that Incredible Thing.

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: She would find a way to get it one way or another. (Dreamy music plays as SALLY thinks.) She was Sally Starlet, after all, and this was her call to adventure! She just needed something to get her on the right path!

EDDIE: (Humming happily and loudly.) Oh! Hello, Miss Starlet!

STORYTELLER: Oh! The companionship! (A triumphant dreamy sound plays.)

EDDIE: (Cheerfully said to the STORYTELLER.) Aw shucks, I like to think so! (To SALLY.) It’s a lovely day we’re havin’, ain’t it, Miss Starlet? It’s a real incredible thing of beauty, if I do say so myself!

SALLY: Oh, not now, Mailman! Can’t you see I’m thinking?

EDDIE: So ya are! A penny for your thoughts?

SALLY: (Laughs dismissively.) I’ll need much more than that! There is an indescribable object that has taken hold of my head and my heart. (Dramatic gasp.) …And yet… It is out of my reach! It feels as though it is a whole star system away from my grasp! Perhaps even a galaxy!

EDDIE: (Said completely invested and sincere.) That sounds plain awful! What’re you gonna do?

SALLY: I don’t know! But surely there must be something of mine that’s worth as much as a thing so stunning and radiant as myself!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

SALLY: (Spoken under her breath, realizing.) Wait a moment…

EDDIE: (Spoken to cheer her up.) Well don’t beat yerself up about it too much, Miss Starlet! You’re worth a whole lot more than some big ol’ extravagant doohickey from Howdy’s Place- (His speech fades into the background as SALLY begins to talk to herself over him.) if’n you ask me! Sides, you can have just as much fun with a paperclip as you could with your incredulous wing!

SALLY: (Ignoring EDDIE completely and thinking out loud. Everything is said mischievously under her breath.) Yes… Mhm… Oh yes, that could work…! Sally Starlet, you’ve done it again! (Pointing accusingly at EDDIE and interrupting him.) Mailman! How is your mailbag?

EDDIE: Oh! It's empty, I reckon! I was on my way back to the Post Office right now to take a li’l break!

SALLY: Oh, good, so you’re not busy! Come with me!

(The door bell jingles as they re-enter the store.)

STORYTELLER: Sally walked right back into Howdy’s Place and headed straight for the counter with Eddie Dear in her grasp. Howdy could only raise an eyebrow as Sally stretched her arms up in a powerful gesture.

SALLY: (Said sing-song.) I have returned to take you up on your deal!

HOWDY: (Gleefully.)Oh, goody! I do so love getting paid! (His many feet scamper over.) Whatcha got for me, sister?

SALLY: (Dramatically gasps. Said small and confidently.) Me!

HOWDY: (Baffled. A horrified sting plays.) …You?!

SALLY: And-! (Points at EDDIE. Said less enthusiastically.) Him.

HOWDY: (Baffled and angry. Another horrified sting plays.) Him!?

EDDIE: Howdy do, Mr. Pillar! I was just tellin’ Miss Starlet how nice of a day we were havin’ out there!

HOWDY: (Said outraged, with yet another sting paying.) Quiet, you! (To SALLY.) What am I gonna do with the likes of yous twos?!

SALLY: Oh, isn’t it obvious, Howardson? We’re going to become… (Gasps, then says it like a fun surprise.) Your new employees!

HOWDY: (Shocked.) Employees!?

SALLY: (Sing-song.) That’s right! (The salesman pitch music fades in.) And for today only, we will give you our utmost attention and dedication to your establishment in exchange for that Incredible Thing! (Dreamy sound plays.) The price is fair, is it not? After all, you have I, an experienced director that fell from the heavens themselves! …And the mailman as a bonus!

EDDIE: (Said bashfully.) Aw, thanks for includin’ me, Sally!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: (A pause to think.) Hmm…

STORYTELLER: Howdy thought to himself about the offer. They weren’t Pillars, sure, but having four extra arms and four extra legs was nothing to laugh at! That was nearly a whole Pillar! (A dreamy sound plays. HOWDY starts to laugh boisterously to himself.) And if Sally was as good as she said they were, then this would be a steal!

HOWDY: You got yourself a deal, Sal! But I expect a full day's work! No lollygagging or laughin’ on the clock!

SALLY: (Said as if negotiating.) Hmm… Slight lollygagging and a single haughty laugh?

HOWDY: Hmph! Alright, but no haughty laughter in front of the customer! I’m tryin’ to run a humble business here!

SALLY: Deal!

STORYTELLER: After their deal was made, Howdy got Sally and Eddie suited in uniforms befitting temporary employees of the Pillar family! (A triumphant bugle plays.) Aprons, antennas and all!

HOWDY: (To the Audience.) I cleaned ‘em up pretty nice, didn’t I? (Directed at the two of them.) As a professional commercial caterpillar, I know my apples! So I’ll be able to get you two on the ball before ya know it! This foolproof method of mine has been in my family for generations, handed down from every busy-butterfly and wealthy-woolyworm worth his salt! All ya gotta do is follow the three S’s of the solemn salesman vow! (Each said with a single horn note played.) Stock the shelves, sweep the floors, and service with a smile!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

SALLY: (Dramatically.) You underestimate my capabilities, Howardson! I am already fully immersed in the role of the lowly sales clerk! I feel the rumbling call of the grocery store deep within my very core!

EDDIE: (Delightedly.) Me too! I love all these rules! I feel right at home!

SALLY: Howardson, why don’t you simply take the day off? I’m confident we can handle this establishment with ease on our own!

HOWDY: (Said sarcastically) Is that so? (Said with slight worry to himself.) Hm… I don’t like leavin’ my baby all on her own… (Quickly turns chipper.) …But what the hey! I say I earned a vacation! (A slide whistle plays.) I can’t remember the last time I had a quarter of a clock turn all to myself! I might even get some shut-eye!

STORYTELLER: Howdy donned his bedtime robe- (A dreamy sound plays.) -and slapped a sleep mask over his eyes. (A slap and horn honk are heard.)

HOWDY: (Said sarcastically.) Don’t do anythin’ I wouldn’t do, capiche? So long, suckers- (Next line is said as if batting his eyelashes.) I mean, my beloved Salespillars!

STORYTELLER: Howdy went to the room tucked away behind the counter and closed the door behind him. That left Sally and Eddie all by themselves to run the store! Now that’s a rise of action!

SALLY: Come, Mailman! We’re going to show Howardson how to properly run a grocery establishment! (She sighs wistfully.)
He is fortunate to have individuals like ourselves to help with his gratuitous tasks!

EDDIE: Not to toot my own horn or anythin’, but I think so too!
(He sighs wistfully.) There’s nothin’ like a hard day’s work to finish off a hard day’s work! But golly, this place sure is big… Think we’ll really be able to get done with all those S’s?

SALLY: Without a doubt in my mind! In fact, by the time we’re done helping him, he won’t be able to recognize the place! Perhaps he’ll even rename it! Oh, oh, oh! I can see it now! (Said dramatically.) Sally’s and Howdy’s and Eddie’s Place!

EDDIE: (Said in awe.) Do ya really think he’d do all that?

SALLY: Oh, absolutely! Now, take your prop and prepare for your starring role as Salespillar #2!

EDDIE: (Giddily said.) An unscripted role?! We’re gonna be so good at this!

SALLY: (Giddily said) Oh ho ho! I know, I know!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally and Eddie began their first and only day on the job as certified Salespillars! Even with an important job to do, however, Sally couldn’t help but think about all the fun she would have with that Incredible Thing. The cogs, the keys, the cupholder- (A dreamy sound plays.) This was an adversity the likes of which she had never experienced before!

STORYTELLER: Still, Sally was no space cadet! She would stay focused and start with the first step of the solemn salesman vow! (Triumphant bugle plays.) Stocking the shelves!

SALLY: These shelves are a complete mess!

EDDIE: Really? How do ya figure?

SALLY: Just look, Salespillar #2! They’re overtly riddled with unnecessary goods! Ah- okay, okay- here’s this one, Salespillar #2. “Canned fruit?” How ridiculous… They’ve locked away a whole orange in here! When there’s perfectly fine oranges over there! It’s superfluous!

EDDIE: I s’pose you’re right… These aisles could do with a little sprucin’ up… I feel like color codin’ things would really brighten up the place too! Nothin’ says a warm welcome like a colorful display!

SALLY: (She gasps.) That’s brilliant! With so many useless products cluttering the shelves, Howardson could never have thought of that! Let’s get to work!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally and Eddie started re-stocking the shelves in a way they both enjoyed. Eddie rearranged the cans by both color and size until the aisle was a full rainbow! As for Sally, anything that didn’t fit her taste went into the biggest can of all; the garbage can!

BARNABY: Hiya Sal, hiya Ed! Uh… What’s with the getups?

SALLY: (Said seriously.) We’re paying our dues!

EDDIE: (Said happily.) And havin’ fun doin’ it!

BARNABY: I bet ya are. So what happened here? Are all the canned goods suddenly canned bads?

SALLY: They’re canned cans now, Barntholomew!

BARNABY: Ah, what’sa matter with ‘em?

SALLY: They’re bland! Tasteless! And repetitious!

BARNABY: In flavor?

SALLY: In design!

BARNABY: (Said in mock horror.) Nothin’s worse than that! (Said intrigued.) So… Ya got ‘em on discount?

SALLY: (Horrified scoff.) No! I cannot sell these to you in good conscience! Not even for a dismal pun! In fact, take them away! Far, far away!

BARNABY: Can do!

STORYTELLER: How nice of you, Barnaby!

BARNABY: What can I say? I’m a good samaritan on my mother’s side!

STORYTELLER: With one S down, Sally allowed her mind to wander back to that Incredible Thing on the bright red pedestal. (A dreamy sound plays.) What would Poppy think of it, she thought. Sally could imagine her dear friend being in such awe of it that she would leave her barn just to see it up close! Maybe Poppy would like it so much that she’d even ride on the handlebars and let Sally drive her all around Home! (A sound like pedaling around plays. Said thoughtfully to himself.) …Hmm… Did it have handlebars?

STORYTELLER: With one task done, Sally and Eddie moved on to the next item on their to-do list! Sweeping the floors!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

EDDIE: I got the pushbroom ready to go!

SALLY: (Gasps and is then accusatory.) And what do you think you’re going to do with that?!

EDDIE: (Shocked and then confused.) O-Oh! I- Erm- Uh- …Sweep…?

SALLY: Open your eyes, Salespillar #2! Howardson would never give us such a lowly task as sweeping the floors! He is trying to goad us into something much bigger! Sweeping the customers off their feet! After all, what good is such a large stage as this if one isn’t performing on it?

EDDIE: …Y’mean the produce aisle?

SALLY: (Chuckling.) That’s what the laypuppet would call it, yes!

EDDIE: Gee, I never thought about it like that! I’ve never seen a grocery store stage show before!

SALLY: You will now, Salespillar #2! Quickly, find us some proper seating and start rehearsing! We have a show to put on!

EDDIE: Oh-! Can I do the music for it? I’ve been meaning to delve into the dark and the broodin’!

SALLY: (Said as if realizing.) The music! Oh, how could I forget?! And something dark and brooding too? Salespillar #2, you are spoiling me with your vision! Well then, hop to it!

STORYTELLER: All it took was some makeshift seats and a captive audience to get their show on the road!

SALLY: (Sing-song.) You mean a captivated audience! Big difference.

FRANK: (Angry and blunt.) I only came in here for canned pineapples and they’re all out! All the canned fruits are sold out!

BARNABY: Sorry, Frankfurter, but ya snooze, ya loose! And ya know what they say! The early beagle gets the canned goods!

FRANK: (Grumbling loudly and angrily.) …Nobody says that…!

JULIE: Oh don’t worry, Frank! How’s about we… put a whole pineapple in the gelatin instead!?

FRANK: But Julie…! The rinds…!

JULIE: Oh, we’ll make it work! Now shhh, Frank, my favorite part is coming on…!

FRANK: (Exasperated.) What?! How can you say that?! We haven’t even seen this show before! We’re in a grocery store for goodness sake!

STORYTELLER: But Julie was right! It was the best part! Sally stood atop an apple crate with a watermelon in her hands! An expression was carved into its rind, but it was hard to tell what exactly it was feeling. Eddie provided the musical accompaniment.

EDDIE: (Making comedic spooky sounds as SALLY performs.) Whoooosh! Ooooowooo! Kaboom!

SALLY: (With sorrow.) Alas, poor Yoricmelon! I knew of him, Howdatio! He was but a fruit of infinite jest, of most excellent picking: he hath fed me from his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred it is in my tongue’s imagination! Where be your rinds now? Your seeds? Your flesh!? (SALLY cries in despair.)

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Sally made a rehearsed cry of despair and let the watermelon fly out of her hand. (A descending slide whistle is heard.) When it hit the ground, it smashed open and splashed onto all the neighbors sitting in the front row.

(Scattered applause is heard.)

BARNABY: Hey, this show ain’t half-bad! It’s all bad! (A rimshot plays.)

JULIE: (Hooting with delight.) Well I think it was soooo good! It swept me right off my paws! Go on, Frank, tell Barnaby how good it was!

FRANK: (Fed up.) Can we just buy the pineapple already?!

SALLY: (Whispering to EDDIE.) Salespillar #2, look! They’re appropriately stunned! Grab the push broom!

EDDIE: (Whispering to SALLY.) You don’t gotta tell me twice!

STORYTELLER: Eddie grabbed hold of Howdy’s faithful pushbroom and with one mighty push, swept everyone out of Howdy’s Place!

JULIE: (Joyful yell as she’s thrown out.) This is the best service I’ve gotten at Howdy’s Place yet!

FRANK: (Furious yell as he’s thrown out.) B-But what about the pineapple?!?

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: With everyone successfully swept off their feet, Sally thought about that Incredible Thing again! (A dreamy sound is heard.) She could see herself now, the wind blowing through her rays as she rode through Home! Maybe she’d even honk the horn if anyone got in her way! Truly, she’d be the envy of everyone!

STORYTELLER: With the second task down, there was only one part left of the solemn salesman vow! Service with a smile! They had been smiling all day, so this was no problem at all! Smiling came to them like a bird took to flight! Like a worm to an apple! …Or maybe like smiling came to Wally!

WALLY: Hello, Sally. Hello, Eddie. I like your smiles! I like your outfits too!

EDDIE: Aw, thank you kindly, Mr. Darling! What can we do ya for? Are ya lookin’ for paint cans? Paint brushes? Paint… Pants?

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

WALLY: I’m here for my new canvases. Where is Howdy?

SALLY: Howardson has stepped out and placed me in charge!

WALLY: (Said Seriously.) Really?

EDDIE: (Said confused.) Really?

SALLY: (Sputtering.) Yes, really! So, as Manager Director, if it is a new canvas you want, then it is a new canvas you shall have!

WALLY: Thank you, Sally. How much is it? Barnaby wrote down a joke for me to tell to Howdy. (Said as if reading.) Knock knock-

SALLY: Oh ho ho, Walliford, Walliford! I shan’t be answering that door! We don’t accept jokes any longer! As I’ve said before, we’re under new management now!

WALLY: Really?

SALLY: Yes, really!

EDDIE: (A little incredulously.) Really?

SALLY: (Insistent.) Yes, really! The only thing I require as payment… Is your undivided attention!

WALLY: Oh, I can do that!

SALLY: I know you can, Darling! Listening is your strong suit! So prepare yourself, Walliford! If you think our smiling was good, then think again! We can provide a wide array of emotions the likes of which you’ve never even experienced!

EDDIE: (Insistently said to SALLY, as if through his teeth.) And we’ll do it with a smile?

SALLY: With a smile… And more!

WALLY: What about me? What should I do?

SALLY: Park it! And prepare to be gleefully aghast by our execution of… Wait for it… ‘The smile!’

STORYTELLER: Wally did just that. He sat politely at the soda fountain as Sally provided him with every feeling she could possibly emote! Including ones never yet seen before! …All with a smile, of course!

SALLY: I call this one ‘begrudgingly eager’!

EDDIE: I call this one, ‘Will that be paper or plastic?’

WALLY: That’s the most!

STORYTELLER: With his canvases paid for, Wally bid the two a fond farewell and headed to Home. Just like that, they had performed all three S’s of the solemn salesman vow! (A dreamy sound is heard.) That Incredible Thing was as good as… Hers!

SALLY: I knew we could do it, Salespillar #2! We make for a stunning duo, don’t we?

EDDIE: (Sounding delighted.) I’d say so, Manager Director! Shoot, I never had so much fun at work before in my life! Not since I got my very first stapler!

SALLY: (A dreamy sound is heard.) That Incredible Thing will be mine! All mine!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: Suddenly, an alarm clock could be heard ringing in the back of Howdy’s Place. (Alarm clock rings.) The high-stakes climax sounded like it was about to wake up! Sure enough, Howdy came out of his bedroom, fresh as a daisy and ready to return to work.

(HOWDY’s footsteps are heard.)

HOWDY: (Yawning.) Oh, boy, now that’s what I call a break! I can’t wait to have another one three springs from now! (Directed at SALLY and EDDIE.) So how’d my beloved Salespillars of the month do on their very first day on the job?

SALLY: Why don’t you see for yourself! You’ll be speechless!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: When Howdy got an eyeful of his store, his jaw dropped to the floor.

(A horrific sting plays.)

HOWDY: (Completely beside himself) Holy smokes… What happened?!

(HOWDY’s footsteps are heard as he runs.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy ran to his shelves, now nearly barren of everything but a bunched-together rainbow of cans.

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) My canned goods have been canned?!

SALLY: Naturally! You simply must do away with the droll and embrace the exciting!

EDDIE: That’s right! But not too excitin’, so we organized what was left over! Don’t it make a purdy picture?

STORYTELLER: Howdy then turned to look at his produce section and saw where the watermelon had been smashed on the ground.

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Y-Y-You’ve pulverized my produce?!

SALLY: Don’t worry Howardson, I understood you loud and clear! The show was quite literally a smash hit!

EDDIE: Good thing, too! I didn’t know sweepin’ was grocery talk for entertainin’ customers!

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Customers?! You had customers in here?!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

(The sound of HOWDY running can be heard.)

STORYTELLER: Howdy ran to his cash register and popped open the drawer. It was empty! There were no jokes! No limericks! No riddles! Nada! Zilch! Nothing!

HOWDY: (Said in horror.) Where’s the dough?!

SALLY: Don’t worry, Howardson! It’s all taken care of! I took it upon myself to utilize a new and exciting form of payment…

HOWDY: I’m too afraid to know the answer…!

SALLY: …Which was admiring moi!

HOWDY: (Gradually getting more enraged.) You did… so… SO MUCH in… A quarter of a clock turn! …A quarter of a clock turn?! You did all this in a quarter of a clock turn?!

SALLY: (Sing-song.) That’s right! We’ve done so much in so little time!

EDDIE: We sure have! It felt like we only just started! I guess it’s really how folks say! Time flies when you’re havin’ fun!

SALLY: But it was surely enough to earn that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing, wouldn’t you say, Howardson?

HOWDY: (Still in horror.) I-I-I… I… I!

STORYTELLER: Howdy was speechless!

SALLY: Did you hear that, Salespillar #2? He’s speechless! I told you he would be!

EDDIE: Shoot, I ain’t never seen him this tongue-tied before! We did better than I thought! But… Sally, the deal was that we give ‘em a whole day of work! It’s the neighborly thing to do to keep to your word!

SALLY: (Gasps.) Oh my stars… You’re right! (To HOWDY.) Howardson! I know we’ve already done so much for you, but I believe I speak on behalf of both of us when I say we’d be happy to do overtime!

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

HOWDY: (Dumbstruck.) Ha– Overtime? (HOWDY laughs wildly.) Overtime, she says! Ha ha ha! Overtime! Ho ho ho! (Said enraged.) OVERTIME!?

EDDIE: Y’hear that? We’re doin’ the right thing. He’s over the moon about it!

SALLY: And then some!

STORYTELLER: Howdy raced over and grabbed the- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing off its bright red pedestal and shoved it in Eddie’s arms. …Does this count as falling in action or that all hope is lost? (A thoughtful musical sound plays.)

HOWDY: (Panicked and angry.) Take it! On the house! On everything I own! On my poor sweet mother! Now SCRAM! VAMOOSE! GET OUT!

STORYTELLER: Howdy grabbed his faithful pushbroom and swept Sally, Eddie, and that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing out of his shop before slamming the door shut behind them. (The sound of HOWDY’s footsteps, the door bell, and the door slamming are all heard.) The two former Salespillars looked at each other and then at the object in Eddie’s hands.

SALLY: (In disbelief.) We… We did it!

EDDIE: We… We did do it, didn’t we? You got your uh… Inedible swing! She’s a real beaut too! …Whatever she is!

SALLY: Oh, she’s simply indescribable… (Smugly.) Just like yours truly! (A ding is heard, as if she is winking.)

STORYTELLER: Having this- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing made Sally so happy. It was everything she could have hoped for! The cogs that turned, the keys to anything, and even the flashy cupholder! But now that the day was done, she realized something else too.

(CASH REGISTER SOUND PLAYS.)

STORYTELLER: The adventure she had found herself on may have started with that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing… But it ended with- (Another dreamy sound.) -Eddie Dear. Even when she found herself with her head in the clouds, he had been there to shoulder the burden with her to get the job done. Sally couldn’t ask for a better friend.

SALLY: You know, Edward, I don’t say it often, but you’re quite the incredible thing yourself. Perhaps what you said earlier was indeed correct. It’s the small things that matter to us most of all, more than any material possession!

EDDIE: (Bashfully said.) …Aw shucks, I’m happy I could be of service! …Speakin’ of which… Did you get the feelin’ that Howdy gave us the boot back there?

SALLY: Hmm! I simply don’t see the need to get into semantics!

STORYTELLER: As if second nature to her, Sally climbed into that- (A dreamy sound plays.) -Incredible Thing.

SALLY: Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be going! I have a bold, new play to finish! I’ve suddenly found myself… (A horn honks loudly.) Inspired.

(The clattering sound of the Incredible Thing pedaling away is heard.)

STORYTELLER: And so, Sally rode off into the neighborhood, no doubt going to write the ending to her next, big play… (Comes to a realization. He sounds excited.) Oh… Oh! The ending! We’re in the ending! It was about friendship! This really was a good resolution! How did she know?!

EDDIE: (Tearfully said, as if emotionally moved.) I love happy endings…!

(LOOKIE-LOO JINGLE PLAYS.)